Have you ever wondered why some guys can get a girl attracted to him within seconds of meeting her? From a distance it can almost appear as if he put a spell on her and instantly she became entranced by his presence. I've always wondered how this happens, and why it happens to some guys and not others. In watching a lot of naturals do just this, I've noticed there are three things that are always present when that attraction is sparked.

1) The guy is always smiling. But he's never smiling just for the sake of smiling. He is radiating a smile that shows he is having a good time and enjoying himself regardless of what's going on around him. Guys who are really good with women are like this. They are never concerned with what happens. They are never concerned whether they get women or not. They are outcome independent. And it comes through in their smile.

2) The initial interaction is always playful. It's always fun, non-threatening but nonchalantly sexual. I believe it was Tyler Durden who talked about the idea that pick up is like verbal foreplay and I couldn't agree with him more. When you spark of a conversation with a women, you have to move her emotionally for her to become attracted to you. You have to make her feel. A playful energy and vibe is contagious and is bound emotionally move her but you have to do it right. You can tell stories. You can simply talk- but keep your energy playful and fun.

3) Always be touching. I've said this before, but I'll say it again- Touching is possibly your most powerful pick up tool.. A guy who knows how, when and where to touch a women can basically have any women he wants. This means he's hugging, twirling, picking up (physically), kissing, massaging, etc. I've seen a guy walk up to a women and be making out with her within 2 minutes of meeting her and then exiting the club with her 3 minutes later. Yes, people, it can happen this fast. And it's partly because of this accelerated physical escalation. When you touch a women in any place and she accepts it (aka lets it happen), you are getting it out of the way. Touching always moves from least intimate places on the body to most intimate places on the body. But it's always moving forward. So if you wanted to kiss a women, you start by touching her arm or whatever, and then touch the small of her back. And then maybe next time give her a hug or side hug. After that, go in for the kiss. If the first time you tried to touch her by going in for the kiss, more than likely she would have turned and given you a cheek. You can't skip level to level 3 when you haven't completed level 1. And it goes like this all the way until you get to sex. I suppose you could say there are eight levels of touching that happen in this order.

1) arms, shoulders, back, hands,
2) hugs, side hugs, holding hands
3) kissing, making out, sucking, biting
4) petting, clothed sexual similation (dry sex), clothes on
5) breasts -petting, kissing,
6) fingering, mutual masturbation
7) oral sex
8) vaginal sex

Occasionally, a step or two may be skipped or interchanged but for the most part, each step will follow the next one starting at step 1. How fast you move through this depends on you..... and I'll cover more on that in another post. Just remember to always smile, keep it playful, and touch her as much as possible. Cheers!

Labels: attraction, create attraction, kino, physical, sex

I've noticed that over the last couple of years where I've really dedicated a good chunk of my time to understanding and applying social dynamics - that I will go through game cycles. And maybe I'm all alone here, but this is kind of how it happens..

The cycle starts with me doing all cold approaches. I don't necessarily like doing cold approaches. In fact, I hate it. It requires way too much work. But it is a necessity if you want to get good. And if you follow the 3 second rule, ditch the ego and live in the present moment, it's not overly painful. After some time and as a result of doing a ton of cold approaches and being social all the time, I'll start to cultivate a larger social circle. And consequently, after a while, I'll find myself surrounded by a ton of people that I know. Doing cold approaches at this point seems counterintuitive because I am surrounded by so many women whenever I'm out. This is good and bad. It's good in the sense that I have a consistent pool of women to pull from. A side note: Social circle game is a little different than cold approach game. It's slower and doesn't have to be quite as proactive and 'performancy'(if that were a word). But it also can be bad for your approach game. You can get comfortable/lazy and become rusty.

In my case, real rusty! But, this is where you have to get back on the horse, dust the cobwebs off your openers, DHVs, and stacks and get back out there and start approaching. And yes, the first few sets might be a bit rough but that's to be expected.

The good news: I have just recently had to brush up on my cold approach game and the interesting thing Ive found is that it doesn't take quite as much effort to get back on the horse as it did to learn to ride. Of course, it still requires a bit of work and the removal of a few bad habits that I accumulated along the way. But it wasn't as tough as it was to get down initially. The foundation stays laid. THANK GOD!

Ideally, I should be able to balance a large social circle while still doing cold approaches. But who knows, maybe in a few months I'll be doing strictly social circle game again. Damn laziness!

However, my laziness hasn't been entirely useless. I've just finished a short book on Facebook game - which is par none the easiest and laziest way to get girls. I'm not even joking. You don't even need to get off your couch. You should get off your couch! But if you choose not to, there is still hope for you. Anyway, I can't say too much more about it other than I AM SO EXCITED to finally get to share this information. It’s been over 6 months in the making. Stay posted for the official release!!!!

Labels: approaching, attraction, create attraction, seduction, sticking points

After watching a lot of naturals and unnaturals out in the field, I've noticed a stark difference in the way they approach the game. First of all, naturals tend to come in with more baseline value than unnaturals. Maybe it's because they are naturally smoother, amazingly good looking, or whatever. But because of it, their game needith not be as proactive as an unnatural.

I've seen more than a few naturals in my day, go up to a beautiful girl, start a normal conversation and within five minutes she is all over him. Did he use any special lines? NO! Did he embed DHV's into his stories? Not at all! Did he go pure kino on her? Not noticeably more than the next guy. From an outsiders perspective , he simply had a conversation with a stranger which subsequently ended in her offering her number or going home with him. Of course, as you may already know there was a secret 'attraction' language being spoken. But I'll talk about this language in another post.

What I really want to talk about is HOW the rest of us 'unnatural' guys can get the same success that the natural does.

It's taken me a long time to finally 'get' this but the more I think about it, the more it seems to be true.

If you are an unnatural, your game requires a much more proactive strategy to get attraction than a natural does to get the same results. If you don't have the looks, height, smoothness, natural charisma, etc - you need to actively demonstrate value as well as actively amp her attraction/buying temperature.

This means routines, active kino, teasing, stories, future projections, social proof, fun games, and all other things outer game that have the potential to emotionally move women.

And your game will look different! It will look... a little more PROACTIVE! but theres nothing wrong with that!

Here is a clip of some excellent unnatural or (proactive) game by Mehow




In conclusion....

Trying to mimic a natural or just having a normal conversation sometimes works......but the results are often inconsistent and they generally won't let you know why you failed or... succeeded. It's important to not only be able to succeed but know WHY you succeeded. Having that accurate attribution will put you on the path to mastery and consistency.

Labels: attraction, create attraction, natural game, seduction, unnatural game

Here are some random insights!!!

Has this ever been you?

You meet an attractive girl. You totally hit it off You start to date her. And after some time you begin to notice subtle mannerisms in her personality that make her uniquely her. Almost as if you see little glimpses into a side that not everyone gets to see. And it only compliments her attractiveness.

Maybe it's the way she giggles. Maybe it's her smile. Maybe it's something that shows her vulnerability. But you fucking love it, whatever it is. And then after some time, the 'newness' of the relationship wears off. When that happens, there are a few things that can take place. 1) you both work together to strengthen the relationship and keep it healthy and stable 2) you both realize there isn't enough 'there' to keep it going so you mutually part ways or 3) one person becomes less interested and breaks things off.


I want to focus on that number 3 because I think it is the most common thing that occurs in relationships.

The Principle of Least Interest states that in a relationship, it is the person who is least invested who has the most power. I have always observed this to be true. I can remember a long long time ago when I was dating a girl ....

She was gorgeous. And I was so stoked she was dating me, I would supplicate huge!. I would do everything for her. I would try to play the perfect boyfriend. And essentially I gave away all of my power to her!

Looking back, here was the root reason- I was in love with the idea of someone attractive liking me. It was the need to feel loved. So I PUSHED!!!!!I did more and more. .....And as you can predict, she ended up breaking up with me. At the time of course, I blamed the failed relationship on her. I'd tell myself "she's a bitch. She's soulless! She was probably cheating on me!" All the external reasons that preserve the ego and never touch on what really happened!

In fact, I never realized what had 'happened' until I was on the other side. Until a girl had intense feelings for me that I didn't really feel in return. As a side note: when it happened, those little subtle mannerism that I found so attractive in the beginning of the relationship started to drive me nuts! They became the motivator behind my contempt. It's crazy how that can work isn't it? And every time she did one of her signature moves, it would only push me one step further away. Until finally there came a point when she did something super thoughtful and caring. She PUSHED... So much that it illuminated a harsh reality- we were on different pages and I wasn't as into it as much as she was. This realization was followed by guilt. And then promptly followed by action.

ahh those default phrases-

"hey, we need to talk!
'look, it has nothing to do with you. I just need space!"



If you don't ever want to end up HERE, understand a couple things: Pulling back, either emotionally and/or physically in a relationship often forces the other person to push. It's the same vice versa. When one person becomes more dependent on the other, that dependence will force the other person to back off. It's like the distance between two + side magnets when close together...they always stay the same even when you bring one closer to the other. The key to healthy and stable relationships is balance and interdependence. But I'll cover more of that on another post.

cheers!

I believe in the concept of unconditional value giving. And when I refer to value, I am referring to anything that can better someone's life in some way. It can be food. It can be compliments. Value is everywhere and nearly everyone is seeking ways to bring more value into their lives.

What is crazy is that when you make someone else's life just a little bit better without expecting anything in return, there is an internal reward greater than anything you could ever give. You could say the ability to GIVE resonates with spirit. Why do you think so many so-called dating gurus teach their secrets to others? Giving feels good! And watching other people succeed or make progress because of you brings that reward. Value breeds more value.

BUT...

I've been noticing that I was never an effective value giver when I wasn't feeling good about who I was. More specifically when I thought I NEEDED MORE. When I needed to appear smart. When I needed others to see I was a ladies man. When I needed to prove I was a cool guy. When I needed!!! If you looked at this on a deeper level you will find a simple self belief. A belief that everyone’s had at one point in their lives…

---I'm not good enough the way I am---

---I'm not good enough the way I am, therefore I must look to others to get 'good enough.' To get satisfaction. To get fulfillment---

And despite never knowing what ENOUGH actually is, a person lacking can only NEED more. When a person NEEDing value is trying to give value, that 'giving' will come from a place where you expect something in return. It's a transaction not a charity. And that internal reward, that self satisfaction, that good feeling is diluted by your own lack of self worth.

This is why Inner Game is so important. You have to have that mind-body harmony where you are at peace with yourself and your relationship with the rest of the world. This is the real Inner Game!! It's having the beliefs, ethics, and expectations set. It's about better understanding your spirituality and purpose. It's about aligning with your purpose-whatever that may be. And it's the never ending process of becoming a better person. Until you get on this path, you will never be at your full potential as an attractive person.

Labels: seduction basics, value

Autor, dating advisor, motivational speaker and life coach Carlos Xuma sat down with us yesterday to discuss the biggest mistakes guys make, life as founder of Dating Dynamics, something every guy can do right now to be attractive and more in our exclusive Carlos Xuma Interview (Attractology.com).

Labels: Attractology Interview, Carlos Xuma, Dating Dynamics