Are you an excuses guy? Do you constantly blame uncontrollable factors for not being where you want to be in life? If so, this post is for you.

I know in terms of meeting and attracting women, there a multitude of ways you can take yourself out of the game.

"If only I was taller!"
"If only I was better looking!"
"If only I had blue eyes!"
"If only I was like that guy!"
"If only I was rich!"

Then I'd be able to get women... right?

I know in my own personal life situation, my excuse was "I'm too short to attract and date attractive women." Of course, that belief and many others regarding what women find attractive are not completely without reference. Through media and social conditioning, society subtly paints a picture of what attractive men look like. We guys are supposed to be tall, youthful, muscular yet slender with chiseled facial features and a fat wallet. If you are lacking in any of these departments, you might as well cut your dick off because you aren't getting any right? Ehhh, wrong!

In fact, you don't need any of those things to attract women. There are short, fat, ugly, bald guys who don't have money and are pulling more beautiful women that you could ever dream. I know this for a fact. I've seen it and experienced it over and over again. So why this is this so? Why can some guys who are far less physically attractive get extremely attractive women?

The main difference between these guys and 90% of other guys comes down to one thing: belief system baby!

Every person has a personal belief system that acts as basically an instruction manual for how the world is supposed to work. In your youth, your 'instruction manual' has many holes or blank spaces where your beliefs have not been established and refined. But as you enter adulthood and continue to have life experiences, those holes are filled and you eventually you subconsciously say to yourself "this is how the world works!"

In actuality, every persons belief system or life instruction manual is in part false There's an NLP term that references this by saying:

"The map is not the territory"

By nature, our belief systems are subjective, incomplete and can never fully represent 100% of the real world. Don't believe me, check out the studies conducted by Elizabeth Loftus on the inaccuracy of memories. This alone it will blow your mind! Nonetheless, the world is not black and white and there are multitudes of ways to view a situation or experience.

For instance, we'll go with a common problem among guys: rejection or the fear of rejection. SO let's say that you approach a strikingly beautiful hottie and she immediately laughs at you and tell you to leave. Here are three reactions:

1. "She rejected me, therefore I am ugly and unappealing"
2. "That dumb bitch was probably on her period"
3. "No worries, she was probably having a bad night or I approached her the wrong way. I'll try something different next time"

Can you guess which mental response would be the most productive? Numero 3 of course!!! In reality it makes little difference what was going on in her head. What really matters is what is going in yours. Even if you are ugly, fat, old, whatever, it makes no fucking difference. What makes a difference is what is going on in your HEAD. Your reality is the only reality that matters!

And why is this??? BECAUSE we constantly confirm our own perception of reality. WE see the world through our beliefs, through our instruction manual. WE SEE THE WORLD WE CHOOSE TO SEE and ignore the rest.

And in the world we see, if a phenomena doesn't coincide with our belief system, we either back rationalize it as an exception to the rule so that it fits in our reality or we change the belief. It's either nixed or adopted.

I mentioned earlier that I'm pretty short (5'6) and I used to hold the belief that short guys couldn't get attractive girls. And from all of the personal and second hand experience I had had, I was sure this was true. My buddy was short and he didn't have girlfriends. A girl once told me she didn't date guys shorter than her. And other evidence accumulated that reinforced this idea that shortness equaled unattractive. And when I went out I would notice how tall everyone else was so when I would go out, what do you think I would see?

I would see all the attractive girls with taller, good looking guys. It had to be true, I WAS SEEING IT!!!!! But what was I actually seeing? Through the filter of the world that I was looking through, I could only see things that confirmed my belief system.

But then, I saw the craziest thing happen. I saw a man much older than I, maybe in his mid thirties. He was short (about an inch or two taller than me) husky, had a receding hair line and was wearing only what looked to be a t-shirt and blue jeans. It was enough to assume that from appearances, no decent girl in her right mind would want anything to do with him. But low and behold I watched him casually waltz up to a gorgeous girl maybe a decade younger than him and within ten minutes she was all over him. He couldn't keep her away. At first, my belief system tried to rationalize it: HE MUST be a famous rockstar in disguise or something. He must have jedi like powers that he was born with.

But then after seeing it happen over and over again with different guys who were playing way beyond their league in the appearances department, SOMETHING finally clicked in my head and I realized that the ability to meet, attract and date beautiful women has NOTHING to do with how you look and everything to do with how you think you look, how you think you match up to other people.

It's all perception. It's all belief systems. If you ask any of these so called 'ugly' guys who mysteriously get hot girls who is the best looking, sexiest, female satisfying GUY on the planet, what do you think they'll say?

"I Am."
"Your looking at him"
"ME"

And they will believe it from the depths of their being. In fact, in their minds, they couldn't find a way to rationalize how they wouldn't be the sexiest guys in the room. And their reality will confirm their beliefs. They will get hot girls, not because the world thinks they are sexy but because they think they are.

Had they listened to the world to tell them how they should be and what they deserve, they would NEVER get attractive women. Eventually you realize the world is not going to give you permission, EVER! YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION to be attractive, to accept a reality that will most benefit you!

Until next time,
-Dthomas

PS - If you want to see a real pro with women who doesn't have the looks, check out the some of the material Thundercat has been working on at http://www.looks-dont-matter.com

Labels: beliefs, inner game, psychology, seduction, Self realization, sticking points

I mentioned briefly in a previous post about the idea that bringing out the potential in others inevitably brings out the potential in yourself.  I truly believe this.  Not only is karma working on your side but there are instant positive side effects.  On a psychological level when you're focusing on the success of others you let go of all the inner dialog that monitors your behavior, hindering your ability to make instinct level decisions.

Side note - Your instincts know what women want.  It's the cognitive 'thinking' and conditioning part that messes you up.

When your energy and focus is helping someone else, it is easy to slip into a state of complete indifference to your own personal outcome, allowing you to focus on the outcomes of others.  This is why so many 'bootcamp' instructors pull when they are out leading a bootcamp.  Why?  Because pulling is never their primary goal, getting you to pull is.  Counterintuitive, isn't it?

So when they demo, they are doing so merely for that reason, to demo. They never think beyond the demo. They aren't wondering if the girl they are talking to is going to go home with them.  They may be thinking in the back their heads that if she doesn't, it's her loss, but for the most part they are concerned about showing their students what 'game' looks like.

And it's the outcome indifference that works in their (or your) favor. 

Let's not forget the wonderful joy of bringing someone up.  Seeing transformation, emergence or a even a simple mood lift is an amazing thing.    It resonates with the core of what it means to be human.  At least in my opinion.

Now don't get me wrong there are some people out there who are just too wrapped up in their victim identities to accept or want any help from you.  But the other 99% of people are glad to encounter someone who is not coming from a place of self gain!

 So what do you do?

I personally believe that altruism and abundance are intrinsically linked.  When you have one, the other will follow...

Give value to people whenever you get the chance.  
Give them the opportunity to shine. 
Allow for their potential self to emerge. 

Now, I'm not suggesting you go out and become a public servant who runs around giving half his paychecks to the homeless and volunteers at the animal shelter on weekends (though that would be cool).  I'm suggesting that when you get the opportunity to make someone else's life just a little bit better, DO IT.

It could be a smile, a warm greeting, a genuine compliment, a cup of coffee or something as simple as listening without judging. There is value to be given everywhere.

Live well,
- DThomas

Labels: attraction, seduction, seduction basics, Self realization

I've been an active member in the community for over two years now. I've had my ups. I've had my downs. I've altered my course at certain points and I've done and seen things I could have never fathomed. But most of all, I am absolutely 100% grateful to be apart of something so wonderful and progressive.

And so I've sort of compiled a few of my most life changing, game altering realizations that I've had over the last couple of years.


1. Game is much more than just meeting, dating and attracting women. It is way of living your life. It is the by product of having all of your other needs met. When everything else in your life is good, the problem with women will handle itself.

2. Sex is over rated and doesn't last nearly as long as the interactions and experiences in between. Unfortunately, we only recognize this during the sex itself.

3. Attraction is an emotional process and 'studying' game is a logical process. Know the difference and recognize that more studying does not necessarily equate to more success with women.

4. Having multiple relationships at any one given time is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. Having one girlfriend can be time consuming and emotionally taxing, just think what it is like to have three or four, ….seven? Props to Hugh Hefner. You're a better man than I.

5. Never form an identity that requires the participation of other people. Calling yourself a pick up artist, player, or 'expert' on women forces you to constantly reaffirm that identity through others. If you don’t get that validation, the identity crumbles. Avoid doing this at all costs

6. As hard as it is for me to accept, occasionally some women will not find you attractive. It's not their fault. It's not your fault. Forgive them. Get over it. And move onto to the next one.

7. The most attractive guys are ones who give value to everyone who comes into their life. Giving is the antecedent to receiving. And when you bring out the potential in others, you bring out the potential in yourself.

8. What you feel on the inside will generally manifest itself on the outside. Your language always points back to your self concept. In essence, a women will respond to you based on how you feel about yourself.

9. Life is nothing more than series of fleeting moments. Knowing this, you should realize that the only moment that matters is the one you are experiencing now. This is not only the essence to game, it is the essence of life.

10. Live life doing the things you enjoy. There is no sense in adjusting or catering your life around meeting women if you aren't getting to do what you love. Besides, you're more likely to find like minded people in the places you want to be.

11. Analysis and reflection are a necessity to understanding 'game' but hindering when actually gaming. Know when you're in your head and find a way to get out of it when interacting with women. This alone can skyrocket your game.

12. Physical contact is quite possibly the most effective behavioral tool in creating attraction. It reflects you are comfortable in your own skin. It causes an emotional response. It creates trust and comfort. Touch women as much as possible. In a non creepy, non threatening way of course.

13. There is no such thing as perfection. Putting a women on a pedestal is unnecessary and pointless. Once you've been with a women of great beauty you realize that they are imperfect people like the rest of us.

14. Don't look to others to find out who you are. It can be addicting to see how people respond to you and make a self judgment based on those responses. People are not mirrors and responses involve a great of deal of factors that have nothing to do with you.

15. Your own opinions should always come first to the opinions of others. Don't be afraid to be an individual and stand up for what you believe in.

16. Smile and laugh as much as possible. The most attractive guy is always the one having the most fun. Ideally, that fun is never dependent on how other people are behaving or responding to him.

Until next time
-Dt

Labels: attraction, seduction basics, Self realization