In searching out a potential mate, one of the biggest problems guys face is they have no idea as to what type of women is right for them. They simply assume that if she is good looking enough, she will make a good girlfriend/wife. However, after you´ve been with enough women of beauty, you recognize how little LOOKS influence the love, passion and compatibility between the two of you.

This is why it is so important to know beyond looks, what type of women you want to be with. Is she artsy? Is she super laid back? Organized? Is she going to challenge you to grow as a person? These are all questions you need to ask yourself when looking for a women. And for the most part, you are going to look for a person similar to yourself. Forget the opposite attracts myth. Over and over, studies have shown this to be a rarety among long term relationships.

But before you start compiling a long list of desirable qualities you want in women, first look to yourself. What do you enjoy doing? What are you passionate about? What makes you tick? This is HUGE. SO many guys struggle to meet or keep women, not because they are unnattractive or feel unworthy. It´s simply because they still don´t themselves well enough to know what type of women would be good for them.

I find it interesting thinking about this. When I first started learning about attraction and the dynamics of relationships, I assumed it was 100% linear. Do X and you´ll get Y, and it will all work out in the end. But after time, you see the process of becoming an attractive person is much more a self actualization process than anything else. It isn´t a skillset. It´s a way of being. Ok, back to the topic.

When you know yourself and you know what your looking for, meeting women becomes an unconscious, natural occurance. It simply happens without really thinking about it. Sweet huh? When you follow your passions, you end up in places with like -minded people. When you know what you want, you´ll naturally qualify women to see if they meet your standards. And as you may already recognize making women work to meet your standards is an extremely attractive quality in a man.

That´s all I´ve got today. I´ll hopefully be able to post again soon. I´ll be departing the breathtaking Granada, Nicaragua tomorrow morning and heading toward San Juan Del Sur so hopefully the world wide web has beared it´s mark on this part of the country and I can write. Cheers!

-Dthomas

Labels: inner game, psychology, relationships, self actualization

Greetings from Costa Rica Everyone,

I have been here almost a week now and so far it has been absolutely amazing. There's breathtaking scenery, beautiful women, amazing weather and a completely different way of life than the one I am accustomed to. I feel truly blessed!

One thing I've noticed is that everyone for the most part is friendly down here. However, there is a difference between those who are being nice because they simply choose to be and those who are trying to get something from you (mostly money).

What is interesting is that it is so easy to tell when someone is trying to get something from you or not. Their core intention is so easily visible to the point where the second they start making their way towards, you know exactly what they are trying to do. And if even for a second you make eye contact or acknowledge their existence, they are on a direct course to come to talk to you.

And talk about game-these guys are the best. Never do they start off my mentioning the product they have to offer. No, they start off by asking you where you are from and trying to relate to you in some way. At that point, they say something along the lines of "well listen friend, I usually sell x for 30 bucks but for you 20 bucks. what do you say?" It happened so often that I could usually tell the moment they looked at me, that they saw a potential sale rather than a person. And no matter how good their sales pitch, I could only wait for an opportunity to say "No, sorry, I don't want what you are offering. Please leave me alone now!"

Does this scenario ring a bell in a different arena? Women in clubs??? Fuck yes!

When you approach with a intent to sell (yourself), women of beauty can generally smell it a mile away. It becomes a sixth sense to them. And even before you've opened your mouth, you've been slotted into the category of "one of those guys"

and no matter how colorful and charming your words are, the only thought that will be crossing her mind is "how do I get him to leave?"

This is why there is no such thing as a perfect line. If the non verbal communication is hinting that you are NEEDING, trying to get something, sell something, HAVE sex with her, etc she won't even hear the words coming from your mouth. She will only be anticipating the predictable moment when you start to pry or force the interaction by asking trivial 'where are you from?, what do you do?' questions or asking for her number.

The women may even think you are hot, sexy and attractive but there is something about predictable, NEEDY behavior that breeds contempt and kills attraction....no matter how good looking you are.

There are basically two ways around this dillemma. You can either 1) fake it very well aka hide your intent via opeing with an opinion opener or something along those lines and then display active disinterest until she becomes attracted

or ...you can lose your NEEDING and go in with an intention to GIVE

When this happens, whether you get sex, a new girlfriend, or even just the validation from a women, at a core level, these things have ZERO power over you. They become a consequence of BEING, another good moment among all the other good moments. In this space, approaching becomes a choice rather than a neccesity. Attraction becomes a thoughtless, natural process. And no longer are you at the whims of a hungry ego that constantly ASSUMES more is NEEDED than the present moment has to offer.

This is by far the best way to approach and interact with a women-when you have a core intention to GIVE rather than TAKE or recieve.

Hopefully I'll get a chance to write again soon. cheers!
Pura Vida

-Dthomas

Labels: core intention, inner game, neediness, psychology

I’m fascinated with marketing and I feel lucky to be doing something I really enjoy. Lately I’ve been watching Eben Pagan’s (David DeAngelo) Get Altitude program for entrepreneurs.

I personally find a lot of parallels between the sales / marketing world and the attraction / seduction world.

As I watched one of the videos today something dawned on me. Eban brings up a study by a university that examined the factors of success by looking at the commonalities of top sales people. You can watch the video yourself but I’ll spoil it anyways. The number one commonality between all these successful salespeople was their speed of implementation. Speed of implementation is the time is takes between hearing about an idea to acting on an idea. They found
that the most successful businesses and salespeople were regularly putting ideas into action immediately. Their speed of implementation was faster.

This mindset of implementing ideas faster in my own life feels somewhat counter-intuitive. The voice in my head says “lets think about this”, “lets weigh out pros and cons, make a list of benefits and side effects”, “let me run this idea past 2 or 3 of my friends to see what they say”. And then usually through deliberation and backwards rationalization the idea fizzles and never gets implemented.

What does this mean for creating attraction and meeting beautiful women?

A mindset focused on speed of implementation shoves a lot of the logic to the side - You know, the times when you are in your head and rationalizing with yourself that she probably has a boyfriend and you shouldn’t talk to her (or any other excuse). This is your mind coming up with a reason for not approaching or doing something that you know you really should be doing.

The mindset of implementing ideas faster is useful to overcome approach anxiety and encourage spontaneous behavior. Being spontaneous keeps life fresh and will have a lot of positive side effects. A good motto I like to say is “plan big and adapt”. The next time you are presented with an opportunity or an idea that can take you to the next level – even if it’s a little out of your comfort zone – take action!

Labels: attraction, confidence, David DeAngelo, outer game, seduction, seduction basics, sticking points