"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul" -Ella Wilcox

If I were to take all of the qualities that a guy who is successful with women possessed and ranked them, perserverance and persistence would be on the top of that list. Because in this game of attraction or pretty much any game you play there are going to be set backs, there are going to times when you face rejection.

But rejection doesn't necessarily mean failure.

I think a lot of guys assume the 'perfect pickup' mentality where they feel they need to hit every single chord just right, that the interaction should flow like fine champagne from meeting to sex or else it won't work at all. It's James Bond or nothing right? ehh. Wrong! Most interactions will have some fobbles. There will be points where you mess up, where you say something that doesn't fit into the classic definition of high value or solid game. It's only human to screw up now and again. But for the most part, and this is a beautiful part of game, you can afford some slip ups and still get the girl.

The only person that can hold you back is you!

I think a huge reason we guys naturally assume attracting a women should be a flawless process is the way society has conditioned us to learn. We learn through logic and thus assume that every phenomena plays by the same rules. And from this we create all these terrible assumptions that ironically murder our ability to attract women.

Here are a few examples of some of the assumptions guys create: If a girl is not giving me the right 'indicators of interest', it means she is not interested in me. If the girl is giving another guy more attention than she is to me, than I don't have a chance with her. If a girl is insinuating for me to leave, than I don't have a chance with her. If a girl says "NO" to me now, she will say "NO" to me always!

ahhh! I love writing these out because I still don't think a lot of main stream society is aware of the fact that all of these assumptions are complete bullshit and the only people who really understand it besides people in this community are the people who have defied the rules of life and shown that the only the feat that cannot be accomplished is the one you don't believe you can.

If a girl isn't giving you signs that she likes you, or there's an awkward lull in the conversation , don't stop, keep talking even if it's about nothing. Some women have passive ways of showing their interest and some may even require a bit more. With women who flat out reject you by saying something mean or cutting your ego in some way, don't let it phase you, don't let their responses knock you from your state. Women are always testing the strength of a mans reality, mostly on an unconscious level, but think about it. If a guy is readily willing to let his mood and reality be negatively affected by a women he hardly knows, what does it say about his self worth? What does it say about his internal strength? It's basically says you're a giant pussy who is easily weakened by someone he barely knows. And guys unless you're dealing with lesbians, they won't be wanting any pussies!

Only you should be responsible for the state of mind and wellbeing and no one else. If a girl rejects you, it is utterly useless and counterproductive to let it even remotely effect you, to let it consume your mental energy. So I'll say it again for emphasis, when a women rejects you, keep your calm, stay chill and simply assume that eventually she'll come around. It can become addicting to constantly see how she responds to your behavior, to see what different buttons do when you push them. But this again, is unnecessary and pointless. You have to live in your world, in your reality and play by your own rules. And the stronger that reality is, the stronger your belief that you have everything she could every possibly want in a man, the stronger your sense of self esteem, the stronger your conviction as a worthy man, the faster she will give in and come into your world.

In this game of attraction you´re never OUT fully with a girl, EVER!!!

You can clunk up a set with a women 10 times, get rejected, have her tell you 'You´re ugly and it will never happen.' But then maybe that 11th time, something just clicks and she sees and feels something that was not present before. I´m reminded of the dating expert David DeAngelo whose most memorable credo was "Attraction isn´t a choice." Even though this is such a simple, almost remedial statement, it points towards the essence of what makes this dating science possible.

If you recognize that emotions supersede the realm of rationale and logic, you understand why anything is possible with a women. You understand why women cheat on their boyfriends, why self professed "good girls" sleep with a guy she met the same night, why you can sleep with a girl and have her best friend want to sleep with you as well, why why a girl says she wants one thing but is drawn to the opposite with no explanation except that it 'felt right'.

Emotions only know how to feel and if the feeling is strong enough, it will be acted upon and THEN back rationalized.

"I didn't think he was cute but then one night we completely hit it off. I never realized before how smart and charming he was!"

You are NEVER OUT now matter how harsh the rejection or how many times you get a "NO!" A women's feelings can turn on a dime simply by changing her mood.

A man who knows this will always see the "NOs" as "Not Nows!" He will never see losing the battles the same as losing the war and when he gets rejected or isn't getting indicators of interest, he is able to reframe and say 'ok, this didn't work, where can I go from here?" And more often than not, if you just do this, believe that what you have is worth more than anything she could ever posses, it'll work out.

I'll wrap up by telling a very short story that I experienced a few years back (maybe like a year into studying this stuff) . This experience completely shattered my beliefs on what was possible with a women

I can remember the first time I saw this guy who was renowned for being able to get the most attractive girls whenever he wanted. He was tall, fairly good looking and distinctly resembled the guy from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. He was from Canada and was hyped by 2 or 3 of my Canadian buddies as 'thee ladies man' So a big group of us all went out and I was excited to demonstrate some of my skills, which were then weak at best, and to also see a master himself. But as I saw him approach and 'run his game', I was let down as the first girl he was after completely shut him down. She wasn't even being nice about it. It was almost hard to watch. "Alright, maybe a warm up, she's pretty hot, we all botch our fair share. Let's move on" I thought to myself. But as this happened, I paid close attention to how he was affected by it. Most other guys including myself at that time would have been so butt hurt, we'd have probably called her a bitch, gone to the bar for a shot and then tried to approach a different girl. But not this guy! He calmly took a sip of his beer and smiled up at her if she were coyly toying with him, almost as if her attempts at rejecting him were futile. This pattern of him pushing and her retreating went on nearly the whole night. At some point, I went up to him as was like ," dude, there are a ton of girls here, let's call a spade a spade and move on." But he refused by calling out the girl and teasing her about being too much fun. About a half hour later I looked over and it was like night had turned to day. Through what seemed to be magic or some kind of sorcery, she had flipped like a light switch and was now all over him, begging him to take her home which he ended up doing later... when he felt like it! As they were walking out of the club I grabbed him by the shoulder and said "dude what the fuck just happened?" He just smiled knowing what I had meant and said "what are you talking about, I had it all along, she just didn't know it yet!"

Cheers everyone,
Dthomas

Labels: beliefs, inner game, outer game, persistence, shit test

I don't have too much time before I catch the bus To Guatemala City, so I'll pump this out raw and to the point.

A lot of people ask me when I'm out how I have so much energy and seem to be in such a good mood. The answer is simple! I was born this fucking sweet! NOT! I actually tend to be more introspective and contemplative than most people see but when I go out I can generally hit that consistent FLOWSPACE where everything just seems to click. Being social, in a positive, attractive space is like exercising a muscle, at first it's hard and uncomfortable but after a while it becomes thoughtless and natural.

But this is an ACTIVE process and hitting that click, that FLOW can sometimes take work. One of the ways we get into flowspace and I've talked about this a million times are improv games. I can't emphasize how much these help with shedding the ego, increasing your wit, creativity and ability to speak to people or groups of people. I've spoken extensively of these games and if you search in the archives or on the site, you'll find a bunch available to try.

But this post is ABOUT a completely different technique that doesn't require other people.

The technique is fairy simple: visualizations paired with music. Athletes and other professionals have been using this technique for who knows how long and for good reason. Visualization allows you to foresee how your body and mind should be in it's optimal state whereas music is one of the most potent state changers known to man. At least, it can be if you let it.

Find three songs. The first song should embody positivity and feeling good. The second song should represent sexuality so find a good song for that and if you don't know any, I'll introduce a few later in the post. And the third song should represent energy so find a song that pumps you up. I'll go into each of these a bit more thoroughly but first I'll be more explicit with the directions. You are basically go to listen to these three songs in sequence and with each song you will visualize and fully take over the idea that it represents.

So for the first song it is really important to find something that induces positivity, possibility, and good feelings. Seeing that everyone is different and responds differently to different types of music, this is really a subjective choice. But for me, a song that always induces a feeling of hope and good feelings is Common-Forever Begins. For some odd reason this song just resonates with my being. You can use this one or you can find your own. It makes no difference.

So as you begin to listen to this song, think of everything in your life that you're grateful for. It could be anything. Your health, your body, your family, your friends, your city, the weather, whatever. You can think about the good people in your life who influence you in a positive way. You can think about how lucky you are to be young and have all of your limbs intact, how you have all of your teeth. There are a million things to be thankful for. Don't believe me, come down here to Central America and see how some of these people live. I guarantee, then you'll have something to feel thankful for. So four the first 3-5 minutes, you're thinking HAPPY thoughts.

And this isn't bullshit feel good psychobabble. For those 4 minutes that you listen to the music and think these positive thoughts, you quickly become aware of how good you feel in the moment. So often, we as people can get stuck in 'egoic' thought patterns where we only think about what DON'T and should have rather than what we already possess. By spending just a few minutes thinking about the good, you change your line of thinking thus allowing, even if momentarily to view the world through the eyes of an optimist.

When you're finished listening to the song, find another song that you feel embodies absolute sexuality. Erotic lounge music is ideal for this and if you don´t have any already (you should if you plan on having women in your home), go out and buy or download some. Here are a few of my favorite tracks.

High Spirits - Longniter
Thievery Corporation - Until the Morningç
Blank & Jones-Beyond Time (Ambient Edit)
Morcheeba - Slow Down
Drift feat Novika - Dwojka

When you listen to this song, think about the perfect sexual interaction with a women. Indulge your senses. See how she looks, how she smiles, how she looks at you. See how she responds to your eyes, your smile, your body. Feel how her body feels against yours. Feel the heat from her body. Feel the smoothness of her skin against yours. Smell how perfect she smells. And continue for the entire song to think about every intricate detail that this perfect sexual experience would embody. And as you let yourself think about this experience/s, you´ll start to notice how sexually charged your being is. This might come in the form of coy smile or sex eyes that feel like they have a power in themselves to melt a women. And this is basically the effect it will have unconsciously when you go out.

The last song is geared towards increasing energy getting you into CLUB state. Sometimes the energy of clubs can be incredibly overwhelming especially when you´re coming from a lower state This will put you into CLUB state so by the time you get out, your energy will match the energy of the environment which by the way is a very potent attractive device in itself. A secondary purpose to listening to a PUMP UP song is to STOP thinking, to become completely present and immersed in the moment.

For this, I usually BLAST rap music. Somthing like Dj Khaled - We Taking Over or Outkast - BOB but it can be anything that gets you going. And rather than visualize and think, for this song, you´re going to DANCE. That's right... dance bitch! Dancing has so many advantages. It boosts your state and increases your energy level. It allows you to express yourself in a abstract physical way. You can shut off your thinking in the midst of moving with the beat. It also dissolves the ego allowing every type of social freedom needed for approaching and attracting women. Even if you´re a terrible dancer, this is still a great exercise to do. Also, if you have some extra time, this is the type of music you should keep listening to until you're out the door.

When your finished with the exercise, you'll notice that there is a layering effect. You feel optimistic about yourself and the world. You feel your sexual energy potent and pouring through. And you are present, in sync with your body and ready to meet women. If you go with these alone and DO nothing else, the chances of getting women will still be about 100 times for likely than doing nothing prior. I often talk about core intention influencing everything else. This exercise was built for creating an Optimal Core Intention for meeting women.

And the great thing is it only takes about 10-15 minutes

So try it out, tell me what you think. Cheers!
-Dthomas

Labels: attraction, exercise, seduction, technique

I´m just finishing up Ayn Rand´s masterpiece Atlas Shrugged and though I don´t agree with all of her philosophy, it´s interesting nonetheless.  Here is a little excerpt on how she describes sex and attraction.  Again, I don´t agree with everything she has to say-but the way she says it is riveting. 

¨A mans sexual choice is the result and sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds a sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life.  Show me the women he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself.  No matter what corruption he´s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment-just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!-an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self exaltation, only in confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire.  It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value.  He will always be attracted to the women who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the women whose surrender permits him to experience-or to fake-a sense of self esteem.  The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of women he can find, the women he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer-because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.¨


¨He does not seek to gain his value, he seeks to express it.  There is no conflict between the standards of his mind and the desires of his body. But the man who is convinced of his own worthlessness will be drawn to a women he despises-because she will reflect his own secret self, she will release him from that objective reality in which he is a fraud, she will give him a momentary illusion of his own value and a momentary escape from the moral code that damns him.¨ 

¨Love is our response to our highest values-and can be nothing else.  Let a man corrupt his values and his view of existence, let him profess that love is not self-enjoyment but self-denial, that virtue consists, not of pride, but of pity or pain or weakness or sacrifice, that the noblest love is born, not of admiration, but of charity, not in response to values, but in response to flaws-and he will have cut himself in two.  His body will not obey him, it will not respond, it will make him impotent toward the women he professes to love and draw himself to the lowest type of whore he can find. His body will always follow the logic of his deepest convictions; if he believes that flaws are values, he has damned existence as evil and only the evil will attract him.  He has damned himself and he will feel that depravity is all he is worth enjoying.  He has equated virtue with pain and he will feel that vice is the only realm of pleasure.  Then he will scream that his mind cannot conquer, that sex is sin, that true love is a pure emotion of the spirit.  And then he will wonder why love brings him nothing but boredom, and sex-nothing but shame.¨  

                                         -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged pg 453-454


Let´s hear your thoughts people!  Do you agree or disagree with what Ayn is saying?

-Dthomas

Labels: attraction, core intention, create attraction, love, psychology, relationships, Self realization

A the election reigns in our new President (Obama), I thought it would be relevant to throw in a little bit on leadership.   You´ve generally been told either by me or by other authors in the field of seduction or self development that  being a leader is an ideal to be reached.  It´s true women are drawn to men of influence but this is more a peripheral factor, a bonus so to speak than anything else. 

When I first was introduced into the field of meeting women, I was told that being a leader was attractive and thus my purpose for becoming a leader was to get women.   It didn´t hit me until a while later after 'trying' to lead people that I realized my basis for leading was selfish and ego centered. I was coming from a place where I wanted to be on top and have others below!  POWER MUAHHHH!   But as I learned very quickly, any type of leader that is solely trying to lead for personal gain will not only make a very poor leader but will in most cases lose his influence over any body of people. Why would anybody put up with a power hungry person who only seeks to subordinate others rather than empower them?  They wouldn´t!

And maybe you've seen it before, a guy who doesn't have the authority try to play BOSS come off completely unnatural. He's unqualified but his BOSSINESS gives him a temporary ego boost where he feels just a little bit higher on the totem pole.  This usually lasts no more than two seconds before someone more qualified says   "Dude, why are you talking?"

In my definition of being a successful leader, I have the following beliefs. Being a leader is putting the needs of others above your own.  It is the acceptance of more responsibility. And with more responsibility, the greater the stakes.  There is no room for error. Your mistakes not only effect you but effect others.    The greatest leader is also the greatest servant.  His intention is not power but to empower others, to give value, not steal it.  But an effective leader must also be competent.  He must understand his playing field and trust his judgment down to it´s core that he can deliver. His competence is transmuted to quick decisive action that lacks self doubt or question.  This means that his competence has far exceeded knowing, it has become part of his intuition.  Worldly wisdom as we know it could be boiled down to nothing more than intuition refined by massive amounts of experience, of knowing whats works and why it does so. 

                                                           

So if not be a leader for women, why then? The biggest payoff of being a leader is control.  When you accept more responsibility, you also are granted more control. More control of your environment, more influence than an average person would have or in many cases want. You´ll also have pride.  When your ideas and visions materialize and you see your mind manifest itself in the real world for the better, there is an intrinsic reward that exceeds any material gain. 


In terms of my experience being  a leader, I have often experienced it as being contextual.  For example, because I had played soccer competitively for so long, when I now play in rec leagues, I often assume a position of director-telling people where to be, and supporting them when they don´t know where to be or lose the ball or something.  The same is with teaching in the attraction field.  However, in teaching guys or helping them bring out their best selves, I always try to assume they are already on my level but just don´t know it yet (which is 100% true) and so my role as a leader is often purposefully subdued. Again, it depends on the situation.   But put me in a salsa class and my leadership will be as nonexistent as my rhythm.    No joke.  I´m that bad...for now!  But I accept it with a healthy dose of  humility and go one day at a time.

There is a leader in every person even if they have realized it or not.  More often people don´t think they are good leaders because they have always avoided the responsibility to take action.  They´ve let others do the thinking and decision making not because they were more enabled but because it´s easier.  Less action means less work and a great deal of us suffer from laziness.  The good news is, laziness is not a personality trait, it is a lack of motivation or lack of passion.  All of these things can be acquired and proactively sought.  
 That´s all I´ve got for now.  I´ll be staying here in Antigua, Guatemala for the next week which should be incredible.  Cheers!

-Dthomas

Labels: alpha male, confidence, inner game, leadership, psychology