The Art of Persistence; Pushing the Envelope
| posted by Attractology Tuesday, November 25, 2008 | 0 Comments |
"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul" -Ella Wilcox
If I were to take all of the qualities that a guy who is successful with women possessed and ranked them, perserverance and persistence would be on the top of that list. Because in this game of attraction or pretty much any game you play there are going to be set backs, there are going to times when you face rejection.
But rejection doesn't necessarily mean failure.
I think a lot of guys assume the 'perfect pickup' mentality where they feel they need to hit every single chord just right, that the interaction should flow like fine champagne from meeting to sex or else it won't work at all. It's James Bond or nothing right? ehh. Wrong! Most interactions will have some fobbles. There will be points where you mess up, where you say something that doesn't fit into the classic definition of high value or solid game. It's only human to screw up now and again. But for the most part, and this is a beautiful part of game, you can afford some slip ups and still get the girl.
The only person that can hold you back is you!
Here are a few examples of some of the assumptions guys create: If a girl is not giving me the right 'indicators of interest', it means she is not interested in me. If the girl is giving another guy more attention than she is to me, than I don't have a chance with her. If a girl is insinuating for me to leave, than I don't have a chance with her. If a girl says "NO" to me now, she will say "NO" to me always!
ahhh! I love writing these out because I still don't think a lot of main stream society is aware of the fact that all of these assumptions are complete bullshit and the only people who really understand it besides people in this community are the people who have defied the rules of life and shown that the only the feat that cannot be accomplished is the one you don't believe you can.
If a girl isn't giving you signs that she likes you, or there's an awkward lull in the conversation , don't stop, keep talking even if it's about nothing. Some women have passive ways of showing their interest and some may even require a bit more. With women who flat out reject you by saying something mean or cutting your ego in some way, don't let it phase you, don't let their responses knock you from your state. Women are always testing the strength of a mans reality, mostly on an unconscious level, but think about it. If a guy is readily willing to let his mood and reality be negatively affected by a women he hardly knows, what does it say about his self worth? What does it say about his internal strength? It's basically says you're a giant pussy who is easily weakened by someone he barely knows. And guys unless you're dealing with lesbians, they won't be wanting any pussies!
Only you should be responsible for the state of mind and wellbeing and no one else. If a girl rejects you, it is utterly useless and counterproductive to let it even remotely effect you, to let it consume your mental energy. So I'll say it again for emphasis, when a women rejects you, keep your calm, stay chill and simply assume that eventually she'll come around. It can become addicting to constantly see how she responds to your behavior, to see what different buttons do when you push them. But this again, is unnecessary and pointless. You have to live in your world, in your reality and play by your own rules. And the stronger that reality is, the stronger your belief that you have everything she could every possibly want in a man, the stronger your sense of self esteem, the stronger your conviction as a worthy man, the faster she will give in and come into your world.
In this game of attraction you´re never OUT fully with a girl, EVER!!!
You can clunk up a set with a women 10 times, get rejected, have her tell you 'You´re ugly and it will never happen.' But then maybe that 11th time, something just clicks and she sees and feels something that was not present before. I´m reminded of the dating expert David DeAngelo whose most memorable credo was "Attraction isn´t a choice." Even though this is such a simple, almost remedial statement, it points towards the essence of what makes this dating science possible.
If you recognize that emotions supersede the realm of rationale and logic, you understand why anything is possible with a women. You understand why women cheat on their boyfriends, why self professed "good girls" sleep with a guy she met the same night, why you can sleep with a girl and have her best friend want to sleep with you as well, why why a girl says she wants one thing but is drawn to the opposite with no explanation except that it 'felt right'.
Emotions only know how to feel and if the feeling is strong enough, it will be acted upon and THEN back rationalized.
"I didn't think he was cute but then one night we completely hit it off. I never realized before how smart and charming he was!"
You are NEVER OUT now matter how harsh the rejection or how many times you get a "NO!" A women's feelings can turn on a dime simply by changing her mood.
A man who knows this will always see the "NOs" as "Not Nows!" He will never see losing the battles the same as losing the war and when he gets rejected or isn't getting indicators of interest, he is able to reframe and say 'ok, this didn't work, where can I go from here?" And more often than not, if you just do this, believe that what you have is worth more than anything she could ever posses, it'll work out.
I'll wrap up by telling a very short story that I experienced a few years back (maybe like a year into studying this stuff) . This experience completely shattered my beliefs on what was possible with a women
I can remember the first time I saw this guy who was renowned for being able to get the most attractive girls whenever he wanted. He was tall, fairly good looking and distinctly resembled the guy from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. He was from Canada and was hyped by 2 or 3 of my Canadian buddies as 'thee ladies man' So a big group of us all went out and I was excited to demonstrate some of my skills, which were then weak at best, and to also see a master himself. But as I saw him approach and 'run his game', I was let down as the first girl he was after completely shut him down. She wasn't even being nice about it. It was almost hard to watch. "Alright, maybe a warm up, she's pretty hot, we all botch our fair share. Let's move on" I thought to myself. But as this happened, I paid close attention to how he was affected by it. Most other guys including myself at that time would have been so butt hurt, we'd have probably called her a bitch, gone to the bar for a shot and then tried to approach a different girl. But not this guy! He calmly took a sip of his beer and smiled up at her if she were coyly toying with him, almost as if her attempts at rejecting him were futile. This pattern of him pushing and her retreating went on nearly the whole night. At some point, I went up to him as was like ," dude, there are a ton of girls here, let's call a spade a spade and move on." But he refused by calling out the girl and teasing her about being too much fun. About a half hour later I looked over and it was like night had turned to day. Through what seemed to be magic or some kind of sorcery, she had flipped like a light switch and was now all over him, begging him to take her home which he ended up doing later... when he felt like it! As they were walking out of the club I grabbed him by the shoulder and said "dude what the fuck just happened?" He just smiled knowing what I had meant and said "what are you talking about, I had it all along, she just didn't know it yet!"
Cheers everyone,
Dthomas
If I were to take all of the qualities that a guy who is successful with women possessed and ranked them, perserverance and persistence would be on the top of that list. Because in this game of attraction or pretty much any game you play there are going to be set backs, there are going to times when you face rejection.
But rejection doesn't necessarily mean failure.
I think a lot of guys assume the 'perfect pickup' mentality where they feel they need to hit every single chord just right, that the interaction should flow like fine champagne from meeting to sex or else it won't work at all. It's James Bond or nothing right? ehh. Wrong! Most interactions will have some fobbles. There will be points where you mess up, where you say something that doesn't fit into the classic definition of high value or solid game. It's only human to screw up now and again. But for the most part, and this is a beautiful part of game, you can afford some slip ups and still get the girl.
The only person that can hold you back is you!
I think a huge reason we guys naturally assume attracting a women should be a flawless process is the way society has conditioned us to learn. We learn through logic and thus assume that every phenomena plays by the same rules. And from this we create all these terrible assumptions that ironically murder our ability to attract women.
Here are a few examples of some of the assumptions guys create: If a girl is not giving me the right 'indicators of interest', it means she is not interested in me. If the girl is giving another guy more attention than she is to me, than I don't have a chance with her. If a girl is insinuating for me to leave, than I don't have a chance with her. If a girl says "NO" to me now, she will say "NO" to me always!
ahhh! I love writing these out because I still don't think a lot of main stream society is aware of the fact that all of these assumptions are complete bullshit and the only people who really understand it besides people in this community are the people who have defied the rules of life and shown that the only the feat that cannot be accomplished is the one you don't believe you can. If a girl isn't giving you signs that she likes you, or there's an awkward lull in the conversation , don't stop, keep talking even if it's about nothing. Some women have passive ways of showing their interest and some may even require a bit more. With women who flat out reject you by saying something mean or cutting your ego in some way, don't let it phase you, don't let their responses knock you from your state. Women are always testing the strength of a mans reality, mostly on an unconscious level, but think about it. If a guy is readily willing to let his mood and reality be negatively affected by a women he hardly knows, what does it say about his self worth? What does it say about his internal strength? It's basically says you're a giant pussy who is easily weakened by someone he barely knows. And guys unless you're dealing with lesbians, they won't be wanting any pussies!
Only you should be responsible for the state of mind and wellbeing and no one else. If a girl rejects you, it is utterly useless and counterproductive to let it even remotely effect you, to let it consume your mental energy. So I'll say it again for emphasis, when a women rejects you, keep your calm, stay chill and simply assume that eventually she'll come around. It can become addicting to constantly see how she responds to your behavior, to see what different buttons do when you push them. But this again, is unnecessary and pointless. You have to live in your world, in your reality and play by your own rules. And the stronger that reality is, the stronger your belief that you have everything she could every possibly want in a man, the stronger your sense of self esteem, the stronger your conviction as a worthy man, the faster she will give in and come into your world.
In this game of attraction you´re never OUT fully with a girl, EVER!!!
You can clunk up a set with a women 10 times, get rejected, have her tell you 'You´re ugly and it will never happen.' But then maybe that 11th time, something just clicks and she sees and feels something that was not present before. I´m reminded of the dating expert David DeAngelo whose most memorable credo was "Attraction isn´t a choice." Even though this is such a simple, almost remedial statement, it points towards the essence of what makes this dating science possible.
If you recognize that emotions supersede the realm of rationale and logic, you understand why anything is possible with a women. You understand why women cheat on their boyfriends, why self professed "good girls" sleep with a guy she met the same night, why you can sleep with a girl and have her best friend want to sleep with you as well, why why a girl says she wants one thing but is drawn to the opposite with no explanation except that it 'felt right'.
Emotions only know how to feel and if the feeling is strong enough, it will be acted upon and THEN back rationalized.
"I didn't think he was cute but then one night we completely hit it off. I never realized before how smart and charming he was!"
You are NEVER OUT now matter how harsh the rejection or how many times you get a "NO!" A women's feelings can turn on a dime simply by changing her mood.
A man who knows this will always see the "NOs" as "Not Nows!" He will never see losing the battles the same as losing the war and when he gets rejected or isn't getting indicators of interest, he is able to reframe and say 'ok, this didn't work, where can I go from here?" And more often than not, if you just do this, believe that what you have is worth more than anything she could ever posses, it'll work out.
I'll wrap up by telling a very short story that I experienced a few years back (maybe like a year into studying this stuff) . This experience completely shattered my beliefs on what was possible with a women
I can remember the first time I saw this guy who was renowned for being able to get the most attractive girls whenever he wanted. He was tall, fairly good looking and distinctly resembled the guy from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. He was from Canada and was hyped by 2 or 3 of my Canadian buddies as 'thee ladies man' So a big group of us all went out and I was excited to demonstrate some of my skills, which were then weak at best, and to also see a master himself. But as I saw him approach and 'run his game', I was let down as the first girl he was after completely shut him down. She wasn't even being nice about it. It was almost hard to watch. "Alright, maybe a warm up, she's pretty hot, we all botch our fair share. Let's move on" I thought to myself. But as this happened, I paid close attention to how he was affected by it. Most other guys including myself at that time would have been so butt hurt, we'd have probably called her a bitch, gone to the bar for a shot and then tried to approach a different girl. But not this guy! He calmly took a sip of his beer and smiled up at her if she were coyly toying with him, almost as if her attempts at rejecting him were futile. This pattern of him pushing and her retreating went on nearly the whole night. At some point, I went up to him as was like ," dude, there are a ton of girls here, let's call a spade a spade and move on." But he refused by calling out the girl and teasing her about being too much fun. About a half hour later I looked over and it was like night had turned to day. Through what seemed to be magic or some kind of sorcery, she had flipped like a light switch and was now all over him, begging him to take her home which he ended up doing later... when he felt like it! As they were walking out of the club I grabbed him by the shoulder and said "dude what the fuck just happened?" He just smiled knowing what I had meant and said "what are you talking about, I had it all along, she just didn't know it yet!"
Cheers everyone,
Dthomas
Labels: beliefs, inner game, outer game, persistence, shit test