I´m just finishing up Ayn Rand´s masterpiece Atlas Shrugged and though I don´t agree with all of her philosophy, it´s interesting nonetheless.  Here is a little excerpt on how she describes sex and attraction.  Again, I don´t agree with everything she has to say-but the way she says it is riveting. 

¨A mans sexual choice is the result and sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds a sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life.  Show me the women he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself.  No matter what corruption he´s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment-just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!-an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self exaltation, only in confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire.  It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value.  He will always be attracted to the women who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the women whose surrender permits him to experience-or to fake-a sense of self esteem.  The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of women he can find, the women he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer-because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.¨


¨He does not seek to gain his value, he seeks to express it.  There is no conflict between the standards of his mind and the desires of his body. But the man who is convinced of his own worthlessness will be drawn to a women he despises-because she will reflect his own secret self, she will release him from that objective reality in which he is a fraud, she will give him a momentary illusion of his own value and a momentary escape from the moral code that damns him.¨ 

¨Love is our response to our highest values-and can be nothing else.  Let a man corrupt his values and his view of existence, let him profess that love is not self-enjoyment but self-denial, that virtue consists, not of pride, but of pity or pain or weakness or sacrifice, that the noblest love is born, not of admiration, but of charity, not in response to values, but in response to flaws-and he will have cut himself in two.  His body will not obey him, it will not respond, it will make him impotent toward the women he professes to love and draw himself to the lowest type of whore he can find. His body will always follow the logic of his deepest convictions; if he believes that flaws are values, he has damned existence as evil and only the evil will attract him.  He has damned himself and he will feel that depravity is all he is worth enjoying.  He has equated virtue with pain and he will feel that vice is the only realm of pleasure.  Then he will scream that his mind cannot conquer, that sex is sin, that true love is a pure emotion of the spirit.  And then he will wonder why love brings him nothing but boredom, and sex-nothing but shame.¨  

                                         -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged pg 453-454


Let´s hear your thoughts people!  Do you agree or disagree with what Ayn is saying?

-Dthomas

Labels: attraction, core intention, create attraction, love, psychology, relationships, Self realization

Greetings from Costa Rica Everyone,

I have been here almost a week now and so far it has been absolutely amazing. There's breathtaking scenery, beautiful women, amazing weather and a completely different way of life than the one I am accustomed to. I feel truly blessed!

One thing I've noticed is that everyone for the most part is friendly down here. However, there is a difference between those who are being nice because they simply choose to be and those who are trying to get something from you (mostly money).

What is interesting is that it is so easy to tell when someone is trying to get something from you or not. Their core intention is so easily visible to the point where the second they start making their way towards, you know exactly what they are trying to do. And if even for a second you make eye contact or acknowledge their existence, they are on a direct course to come to talk to you.

And talk about game-these guys are the best. Never do they start off my mentioning the product they have to offer. No, they start off by asking you where you are from and trying to relate to you in some way. At that point, they say something along the lines of "well listen friend, I usually sell x for 30 bucks but for you 20 bucks. what do you say?" It happened so often that I could usually tell the moment they looked at me, that they saw a potential sale rather than a person. And no matter how good their sales pitch, I could only wait for an opportunity to say "No, sorry, I don't want what you are offering. Please leave me alone now!"

Does this scenario ring a bell in a different arena? Women in clubs??? Fuck yes!

When you approach with a intent to sell (yourself), women of beauty can generally smell it a mile away. It becomes a sixth sense to them. And even before you've opened your mouth, you've been slotted into the category of "one of those guys"

and no matter how colorful and charming your words are, the only thought that will be crossing her mind is "how do I get him to leave?"

This is why there is no such thing as a perfect line. If the non verbal communication is hinting that you are NEEDING, trying to get something, sell something, HAVE sex with her, etc she won't even hear the words coming from your mouth. She will only be anticipating the predictable moment when you start to pry or force the interaction by asking trivial 'where are you from?, what do you do?' questions or asking for her number.

The women may even think you are hot, sexy and attractive but there is something about predictable, NEEDY behavior that breeds contempt and kills attraction....no matter how good looking you are.

There are basically two ways around this dillemma. You can either 1) fake it very well aka hide your intent via opeing with an opinion opener or something along those lines and then display active disinterest until she becomes attracted

or ...you can lose your NEEDING and go in with an intention to GIVE

When this happens, whether you get sex, a new girlfriend, or even just the validation from a women, at a core level, these things have ZERO power over you. They become a consequence of BEING, another good moment among all the other good moments. In this space, approaching becomes a choice rather than a neccesity. Attraction becomes a thoughtless, natural process. And no longer are you at the whims of a hungry ego that constantly ASSUMES more is NEEDED than the present moment has to offer.

This is by far the best way to approach and interact with a women-when you have a core intention to GIVE rather than TAKE or recieve.

Hopefully I'll get a chance to write again soon. cheers!
Pura Vida

-Dthomas

Labels: core intention, inner game, neediness, psychology