I have a problem. The more and more I dig deeper into understanding relationships and social interactions, the more advanced and complex I seem to describe this stuff.

The other day when I was talking to a couple guys asking for help meeting women (I hate the word AFC). I began to educate them on some ways they could dramatically improve their life but I was speaking to them in a way that only an advanced - or obsessed seduction PUA - guy would understand. And they gave me this strange look like I was speaking in tongues or something.

In reality, I was talking about sub-communication and the concept of giving value when it came to getting attraction from women. But when I got those blank stares it made it abundantly clear that I was talking to these guys as if they had had 2 years of studying and application under their belt when in actuality they had absolutely ZERO knowledge in this area.

So as a favor to myself and my readers, I would like to return to the basics. Return to the roots. Return to a very basic principle that nearly everyone can relate to and that is...

The difference between attraction and affection.
The foundations of building attraction.

Before I go into all the ins and outs of attraction it's first be wise to mention a very common mistake guys make when dealing with women and this is confusing affection for attraction. The best way I can illustrate this difference is by telling a personal story (short version).

• A long long time ago, there was this girl whom I had a crush on. She was cute. She was unique. She was really smart. She was a catch! And so I started talking to her one day at school. As it turned out we had everything in common. we both liked outdoor activities. We both liked the same tv shows and so on. And so we started hanging out. We would go out and do things. We would talk every night on the phone. I always made a point to be extra polite and cordial so I'd do things for her like let her cheat off my homework and pick her up from Basketball practice. All the things that make a girl want you as a boyfriend, right? Wrong. The third week of us hanging out and spending all this time together, I finally got enough courage to show her how I felt and figured the best approach would be for me was kiss her. And so I planned the moment down to a tie. I had her over to watch a movie. Wrapped us in a blanket. The conditions were perfect. And then the moment happened. I went in for the kiss. Can you guess what happened? Without even giving a cheek she backed her face away in disgust and said "look, I think it's best if we were just friends!"

At the time, I didn't understand what had happened.
Was I ugly? Was I too short? Did I not have a good personality?
In actuality, it had nothing to do with any of these things. I had simply chosen(unintentionally) not to communicate on an attractive channel and ended up misinterpreting affection for attraction for romantic interest.

When she was talking to me on the phone and getting to know me, we were communicating to each other like we were friends. And I simply assumed that her interest in being my friend was a signal that she had feelings for me. In reality, she communicated to me like a friend, and liked me...but that liking came from a place of affection and not attraction. Basically, I treated her like I was one of her girlfriends and as a result, she treated me (and felt for me) in the same way as she did her girlfriends.

And this happens all the time with guys.
You 'd think that we would have 'gotten' it by now.
But most guys haven't.

Why is this so?? My belief (and I adopted this belief from David DeAngelo) is that most guys at a very young age are taught the true meaning of chivalry from their parents. They are taught to open doors for women. They are taught to be respectful. They are taught to treat women like queens. Essentially, parents are teaching their children how to be affectionate. They are teaching us how to be a good husband, etc. Now, all these teachings are great but they ultimately are the STEP 2 in courtship and neglect to address the foundation in which attraction is developed.

RELEARNING STEP 1: The Foundations of Attraction
According to numerous studies attraction happens within 90 seconds and 4 minutes of being in contact with another person. During that time frame they have found over 2000 mini indicators (most within a broader set of behavior clusters) that dictate whether attraction has occurred or not. So of course, the next question to pose is

What is taking place in those 240 seconds that dictates whether she will want you as a lover, wants you as a friend or simply wants you to take a hike?

When thinking about getting attraction from a women and sparking chemistry, you really should be thinking about EMOTIONAL MOVEMENT. IN essence, you want to move her baseline emotional state in a positive direction. This doesn't mean that all girls are depressed or bored until an attractive guy comes around, it simply means that when she is around a guy that she is attracted to, it induces a positive feeling. And it can easily be observed.

If you watch a girl around a guy she is becoming attracted to those feelings are always expressed externally in some way. Either she starts smiling more when he is speaking, she laughs at his jokes, She is inquiring more about who he is all and what he is all about. She is making strong eye contact with him. she may even start touching him in a playful way. And there are ton more of these external attraction indicators that basically display this EMOTIONAL MOVEMENT.

The nice thing about seeing all of these external clues or indicators is that you have everything you need to reverse engineer a strategy to get a women attracted to you

So for starters, it can be useful to first take a moment to ask yourself these questions
How can I emotionally move a women in a positive way?

SUB QUESTIONS
1. How do I get a women to smile and laugh?
2. How do I get a women to maintain strong eye contact with me?
3. How do I get a women to start touching me?
4. How do I get women to want to know more about me?

How do I get a women to Smile and laugh?
One great way to get a women to smile and laugh is to combine cocky statements with funny statements. This combination coined by well known Dating Guru David DeAngelo, has been proven for years to generate a positive response from women. Of course it has to be done right.

The key to cocky-funny is being cocky and funny at the same time. If you are cocky without being funny, you will come off as an arrogant jerk. If you are funny without being cocky, you will look like a clown. But when you put the two together, you have all the ingredients to move her emotionally and generate some attraction. An example of a cocky-funny line may sound something like this

You: Tonight is your lucky night
Her: Oh really? Why is that?
You: Because you finally got to go out with me
Her: Sure!
You: But no touching... I do all the touching!

Another key is keep a straight face the whole time, never letting her know whether you actually being serious or not.

You can also be be funny by adding a little sarcasm into your dialog

Example:
her: Hey can I try a sip of that drink
you: absolutely not (with a straight face)
then wait a moment, crack a little smile and give her a sip)

If you treat the girl like your little niece who you are constantly messing with (playfully of course) it will generally cause some positive emotional movement and get her laughing and smiling

How do I get a women to have strong eye contact with me?
This is easy. If you make a point to always look her in the eyes when speaking to her, more often than not she will return the favor. If for some reason she is hesitant to make eye contact there are a few fun harmless games you do that make it happen such as Soul Gazing. Eye contact is great because it can be done with minimal effort and still have an incredibly powerful effect.

In fact, there was study conducted that looked at the relationship between eye contact and attraction where men and women were randomly paired and simply told to have a conversation. Prior to the actual experiment, 50% of the guys (experimental group) were told to count how many times the women blinked during the interaction and the other 50% were just told to have a conversation (control group). In the POST experiment questioning, the women were asked to report how readily they would have gone on a date with the person they were paired up with. Surprisingly, they found the blink counters or guys who were maintaining eye contact the whole time were 2-3 times more likely to get a date than those who were just asked to have a conversation.


How do I get women to start touching me?
Like eye contact, physical touch is almost always reciprocated. If you hug someone, they more of then not, they hug you back. If you put your arm around someone, they will generally throw an arm around you as well. It's actually much more natural to reciprocate touch than to awkwardly just stand there. Knowing this, you should always push the boundaries. Most people have no idea how far they can push physical boundaries in the first few minutes of meeting a women. As long you don't linger too long and aren't being creepy, the possibilities are endless when it comes to touching a women. Here is a short video that I really found useful on touching a women




How do I get women to want to know more about you?
The best way to capture a womens attention and imagination is to tell stories. Good short stories that are relevant and display you are a fun, cool person are excellent for emotionally moving women. The key to a good story is all in the delivery. The more animated and emotionally charged you are while telling it, the better. It can be useful to take frequent pauses to build suspense, use words very emotionally descriptive language that 'shows' her how it felt rather than tells her it felt. One trick that always seems to make women want to know more about you is to- leave holes in your stories. By leaving gaps, you are leaving an incomplete picture and she will always want to know "what happened with X?" or something along those lines.

Do this, and you will have her intrigued and captivated by your presence.

So there you have 4 different ways to emotionally move women in a positive way; aka create attraction. There are many more ways to create attraction but hopefully this will provide a foundation that can be built upon and developed.

Labels: affection, attraction, create attraction, kino, seduction basics

Have you ever wondered why some guys can get a girl attracted to him within seconds of meeting her? From a distance it can almost appear as if he put a spell on her and instantly she became entranced by his presence. I've always wondered how this happens, and why it happens to some guys and not others. In watching a lot of naturals do just this, I've noticed there are three things that are always present when that attraction is sparked.

1) The guy is always smiling. But he's never smiling just for the sake of smiling. He is radiating a smile that shows he is having a good time and enjoying himself regardless of what's going on around him. Guys who are really good with women are like this. They are never concerned with what happens. They are never concerned whether they get women or not. They are outcome independent. And it comes through in their smile.

2) The initial interaction is always playful. It's always fun, non-threatening but nonchalantly sexual. I believe it was Tyler Durden who talked about the idea that pick up is like verbal foreplay and I couldn't agree with him more. When you spark of a conversation with a women, you have to move her emotionally for her to become attracted to you. You have to make her feel. A playful energy and vibe is contagious and is bound emotionally move her but you have to do it right. You can tell stories. You can simply talk- but keep your energy playful and fun.

3) Always be touching. I've said this before, but I'll say it again- Touching is possibly your most powerful pick up tool.. A guy who knows how, when and where to touch a women can basically have any women he wants. This means he's hugging, twirling, picking up (physically), kissing, massaging, etc. I've seen a guy walk up to a women and be making out with her within 2 minutes of meeting her and then exiting the club with her 3 minutes later. Yes, people, it can happen this fast. And it's partly because of this accelerated physical escalation. When you touch a women in any place and she accepts it (aka lets it happen), you are getting it out of the way. Touching always moves from least intimate places on the body to most intimate places on the body. But it's always moving forward. So if you wanted to kiss a women, you start by touching her arm or whatever, and then touch the small of her back. And then maybe next time give her a hug or side hug. After that, go in for the kiss. If the first time you tried to touch her by going in for the kiss, more than likely she would have turned and given you a cheek. You can't skip level to level 3 when you haven't completed level 1. And it goes like this all the way until you get to sex. I suppose you could say there are eight levels of touching that happen in this order.

1) arms, shoulders, back, hands,
2) hugs, side hugs, holding hands
3) kissing, making out, sucking, biting
4) petting, clothed sexual similation (dry sex), clothes on
5) breasts -petting, kissing,
6) fingering, mutual masturbation
7) oral sex
8) vaginal sex

Occasionally, a step or two may be skipped or interchanged but for the most part, each step will follow the next one starting at step 1. How fast you move through this depends on you..... and I'll cover more on that in another post. Just remember to always smile, keep it playful, and touch her as much as possible. Cheers!

Labels: attraction, create attraction, kino, physical, sex

Labels: art of touch, kino, outer game, PUA, seduction, sticking points