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Taking Risks

posted by Briddick Sunday, January 04, 2009 0 Comments
As we begin 2009, it would be beneficial to take a few moments to describe what it means to me to take risks. If I could think of one major defining moment in my life it would had to be when I first started learning about Attraction and social dynamics. As a sub category in the self development movement, one of the first things I learned was that to meet women, you have be willing to ACT without thinking. You have to be willing to approach a women without thinking of how it could go wrong.

You have to be willing to jump into the fire and find a way to not to get burned.


As a result of recognizing how easy it was to take little baby steps (Insert What About Bob quote here) with meeting women, I started see how applicable it was to every other facet of my life. As a giant pussy when it came to heights, I made a point to jump off every cliff I could find. As a person who had never left the country, I made a decision to see the world. As a person who has always dealt with anxiety and panic attacks, I made a life decision to embrace my fears and not allow them to control my life. And in every fear I've faced, I've always found that it was never once as BAD or SCARY as I had previously predicted. Isn't it strange how our mind can warp a future event and assume it's going to be terrible yet when we're in the moment, we never feel fear, we never feel the pain we anticipate. We are in it, experiencing it and dealing with it. You could argue fear is nothing more than anticipating some form of pain. Yet 99% of the time that pain never comes and time and time again when we encounter situations that we have been dreading, we realize how rediciulous our fretting was. In the moment, we can only act and deal with what is happening. We always find a way to not get burned. This is why fear and worry are so unproductive. They consume our vital energy and direct it towards a 'painful' future that never seems to come.

Besides fear, there is another reason people neglect to take risks; comfort.
People are comfortable where they are at. They can get stuck in mediocrity simply because of how easy it is. They are working at a cushy job in which they don't take risks or make big decisions. They don't leave their city or town and venture out into the rest of the world. They settle down with the first person that shows interest.

I heard this great analogy of a plant. A plant can survive wherever it grows, at least for a while. And maybe it is not the most nourishing and optimal environment, but for that plant, it is easier to survive in a barren, desolate environment than to uproot and venture into the unknown where there could be more rainfall and nourishing soil.


And just like a plant that lives where there is little rainfall, you can still survive in a mediocre reality. But as a person who is always trying to bring more enrichment into his life, I have a hard time NOT TRYING to better my life and the lives of others in some way. I feel there is always room to grow, improve, and bring to life a dream that starts in the mind and is manifested into a reality. This is part of purpose and part of moving towards an optimal reality-a heaven on earth.

So right now, as you make your mark on 2009, take one small step towards doing something you've always wanted to do. Do one thing everyday that scares you and challenges you. Make each and every day as if it were your last day to do something excellent!

Cheers!
Briddick
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Decision Making Article

posted by Briddick Saturday, January 03, 2009 0 Comments

I just found this crazy book that shows how our psychology influences our decision making. Here is the link to the book outline. Link. It's definitely worth checking out. Here is one excerpt I found especially interesting and applicable to the dating science.

"Ariely and Loewenstein conducted an experiment on Berkeley undergrads (Ariely tried to do this at MIT, but couldn't get the necessary permissions). They asked them a series of questions. Then they had the undergraduates stimulate themselves to a state of sexual arousal, and asked them to answer the same set of questions. The results show that people simply don't realize how different their decision-making is during a state of arousal. A few representative results Can you imagine having sex with a 60-year-old person Sober: 7% Aroused: 23% Could you enjoy having sex with someone you hated? Sober: 53% Aroused: 77% Is just kissing frustrating Sober: 41% Aroused: 69%"

Wow, that is crazy. What more proof do you need to see that emotions and 'feeling' have an upper hand to rational thinking. If you change her mood, you can change her feelings towards you and ultimately her decisions.

Cheers!
Briddick

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Ayn Rand´s Perspective of Love and Attraction

posted by Attractology Friday, November 07, 2008 3 Comments
I´m just finishing up Ayn Rand´s masterpiece Atlas Shrugged and though I don´t agree with all of her philosophy, it´s interesting nonetheless.  Here is a little excerpt on how she describes sex and attraction.  Again, I don´t agree with everything she has to say-but the way she says it is riveting. 

¨A mans sexual choice is the result and sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds a sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life.  Show me the women he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself.  No matter what corruption he´s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment-just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!-an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self exaltation, only in confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire.  It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value.  He will always be attracted to the women who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the women whose surrender permits him to experience-or to fake-a sense of self esteem.  The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of women he can find, the women he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer-because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.¨


¨He does not seek to gain his value, he seeks to express it.  There is no conflict between the standards of his mind and the desires of his body. But the man who is convinced of his own worthlessness will be drawn to a women he despises-because she will reflect his own secret self, she will release him from that objective reality in which he is a fraud, she will give him a momentary illusion of his own value and a momentary escape from the moral code that damns him.¨ 

¨Love is our response to our highest values-and can be nothing else.  Let a man corrupt his values and his view of existence, let him profess that love is not self-enjoyment but self-denial, that virtue consists, not of pride, but of pity or pain or weakness or sacrifice, that the noblest love is born, not of admiration, but of charity, not in response to values, but in response to flaws-and he will have cut himself in two.  His body will not obey him, it will not respond, it will make him impotent toward the women he professes to love and draw himself to the lowest type of whore he can find. His body will always follow the logic of his deepest convictions; if he believes that flaws are values, he has damned existence as evil and only the evil will attract him.  He has damned himself and he will feel that depravity is all he is worth enjoying.  He has equated virtue with pain and he will feel that vice is the only realm of pleasure.  Then he will scream that his mind cannot conquer, that sex is sin, that true love is a pure emotion of the spirit.  And then he will wonder why love brings him nothing but boredom, and sex-nothing but shame.¨  

                                         -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged pg 453-454


Let´s hear your thoughts people!  Do you agree or disagree with what Ayn is saying?

-Dthomas

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On Being a Leader

posted by Attractology Thursday, November 06, 2008 0 Comments
A the election reigns in our new President (Obama), I thought it would be relevant to throw in a little bit on leadership.   You´ve generally been told either by me or by other authors in the field of seduction or self development that  being a leader is an ideal to be reached.  It´s true women are drawn to men of influence but this is more a peripheral factor, a bonus so to speak than anything else. 

When I first was introduced into the field of meeting women, I was told that being a leader was attractive and thus my purpose for becoming a leader was to get women.   It didn´t hit me until a while later after 'trying' to lead people that I realized my basis for leading was selfish and ego centered. I was coming from a place where I wanted to be on top and have others below!  POWER MUAHHHH!   But as I learned very quickly, any type of leader that is solely trying to lead for personal gain will not only make a very poor leader but will in most cases lose his influence over any body of people. Why would anybody put up with a power hungry person who only seeks to subordinate others rather than empower them?  They wouldn´t!

And maybe you've seen it before, a guy who doesn't have the authority try to play BOSS come off completely unnatural. He's unqualified but his BOSSINESS gives him a temporary ego boost where he feels just a little bit higher on the totem pole.  This usually lasts no more than two seconds before someone more qualified says   "Dude, why are you talking?"

In my definition of being a successful leader, I have the following beliefs. Being a leader is putting the needs of others above your own.  It is the acceptance of more responsibility. And with more responsibility, the greater the stakes.  There is no room for error. Your mistakes not only effect you but effect others.    The greatest leader is also the greatest servant.  His intention is not power but to empower others, to give value, not steal it.  But an effective leader must also be competent.  He must understand his playing field and trust his judgment down to it´s core that he can deliver. His competence is transmuted to quick decisive action that lacks self doubt or question.  This means that his competence has far exceeded knowing, it has become part of his intuition.  Worldly wisdom as we know it could be boiled down to nothing more than intuition refined by massive amounts of experience, of knowing whats works and why it does so. 

                                                           

So if not be a leader for women, why then? The biggest payoff of being a leader is control.  When you accept more responsibility, you also are granted more control. More control of your environment, more influence than an average person would have or in many cases want. You´ll also have pride.  When your ideas and visions materialize and you see your mind manifest itself in the real world for the better, there is an intrinsic reward that exceeds any material gain. 


In terms of my experience being  a leader, I have often experienced it as being contextual.  For example, because I had played soccer competitively for so long, when I now play in rec leagues, I often assume a position of director-telling people where to be, and supporting them when they don´t know where to be or lose the ball or something.  The same is with teaching in the attraction field.  However, in teaching guys or helping them bring out their best selves, I always try to assume they are already on my level but just don´t know it yet (which is 100% true) and so my role as a leader is often purposefully subdued. Again, it depends on the situation.   But put me in a salsa class and my leadership will be as nonexistent as my rhythm.    No joke.  I´m that bad...for now!  But I accept it with a healthy dose of  humility and go one day at a time.

There is a leader in every person even if they have realized it or not.  More often people don´t think they are good leaders because they have always avoided the responsibility to take action.  They´ve let others do the thinking and decision making not because they were more enabled but because it´s easier.  Less action means less work and a great deal of us suffer from laziness.  The good news is, laziness is not a personality trait, it is a lack of motivation or lack of passion.  All of these things can be acquired and proactively sought.  
 That´s all I´ve got for now.  I´ll be staying here in Antigua, Guatemala for the next week which should be incredible.  Cheers!

-Dthomas

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Finding the Right Type of Women

posted by Attractology Friday, October 31, 2008 1 Comments
In searching out a potential mate, one of the biggest problems guys face is they have no idea as to what type of women is right for them. They simply assume that if she is good looking enough, she will make a good girlfriend/wife. However, after you´ve been with enough women of beauty, you recognize how little LOOKS influence the love, passion and compatibility between the two of you.

This is why it is so important to know beyond looks, what type of women you want to be with. Is she artsy? Is she super laid back? Organized? Is she going to challenge you to grow as a person? These are all questions you need to ask yourself when looking for a women. And for the most part, you are going to look for a person similar to yourself. Forget the opposite attracts myth. Over and over, studies have shown this to be a rarety among long term relationships.

But before you start compiling a long list of desirable qualities you want in women, first look to yourself. What do you enjoy doing? What are you passionate about? What makes you tick? This is HUGE. SO many guys struggle to meet or keep women, not because they are unnattractive or feel unworthy. It´s simply because they still don´t themselves well enough to know what type of women would be good for them.

I find it interesting thinking about this. When I first started learning about attraction and the dynamics of relationships, I assumed it was 100% linear. Do X and you´ll get Y, and it will all work out in the end. But after time, you see the process of becoming an attractive person is much more a self actualization process than anything else. It isn´t a skillset. It´s a way of being. Ok, back to the topic.

When you know yourself and you know what your looking for, meeting women becomes an unconscious, natural occurance. It simply happens without really thinking about it. Sweet huh? When you follow your passions, you end up in places with like -minded people. When you know what you want, you´ll naturally qualify women to see if they meet your standards. And as you may already recognize making women work to meet your standards is an extremely attractive quality in a man.

That´s all I´ve got today. I´ll hopefully be able to post again soon. I´ll be departing the breathtaking Granada, Nicaragua tomorrow morning and heading toward San Juan Del Sur so hopefully the world wide web has beared it´s mark on this part of the country and I can write. Cheers!

-Dthomas

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Random insights from the third world...

posted by Attractology Wednesday, October 22, 2008 0 Comments
Greetings from Costa Rica Everyone,

I have been here almost a week now and so far it has been absolutely amazing. There's breathtaking scenery, beautiful women, amazing weather and a completely different way of life than the one I am accustomed to. I feel truly blessed!

One thing I've noticed is that everyone for the most part is friendly down here. However, there is a difference between those who are being nice because they simply choose to be and those who are trying to get something from you (mostly money).

What is interesting is that it is so easy to tell when someone is trying to get something from you or not. Their core intention is so easily visible to the point where the second they start making their way towards, you know exactly what they are trying to do. And if even for a second you make eye contact or acknowledge their existence, they are on a direct course to come to talk to you.

And talk about game-these guys are the best. Never do they start off my mentioning the product they have to offer. No, they start off by asking you where you are from and trying to relate to you in some way. At that point, they say something along the lines of "well listen friend, I usually sell x for 30 bucks but for you 20 bucks. what do you say?" It happened so often that I could usually tell the moment they looked at me, that they saw a potential sale rather than a person. And no matter how good their sales pitch, I could only wait for an opportunity to say "No, sorry, I don't want what you are offering. Please leave me alone now!"

Does this scenario ring a bell in a different arena? Women in clubs??? Fuck yes!

When you approach with a intent to sell (yourself), women of beauty can generally smell it a mile away. It becomes a sixth sense to them. And even before you've opened your mouth, you've been slotted into the category of "one of those guys"

and no matter how colorful and charming your words are, the only thought that will be crossing her mind is "how do I get him to leave?"

This is why there is no such thing as a perfect line. If the non verbal communication is hinting that you are NEEDING, trying to get something, sell something, HAVE sex with her, etc she won't even hear the words coming from your mouth. She will only be anticipating the predictable moment when you start to pry or force the interaction by asking trivial 'where are you from?, what do you do?' questions or asking for her number.

The women may even think you are hot, sexy and attractive but there is something about predictable, NEEDY behavior that breeds contempt and kills attraction....no matter how good looking you are.

There are basically two ways around this dillemma. You can either 1) fake it very well aka hide your intent via opeing with an opinion opener or something along those lines and then display active disinterest until she becomes attracted

or ...you can lose your NEEDING and go in with an intention to GIVE

When this happens, whether you get sex, a new girlfriend, or even just the validation from a women, at a core level, these things have ZERO power over you. They become a consequence of BEING, another good moment among all the other good moments. In this space, approaching becomes a choice rather than a neccesity. Attraction becomes a thoughtless, natural process. And no longer are you at the whims of a hungry ego that constantly ASSUMES more is NEEDED than the present moment has to offer.

This is by far the best way to approach and interact with a women-when you have a core intention to GIVE rather than TAKE or recieve.

Hopefully I'll get a chance to write again soon. cheers!
Pura Vida

-Dthomas

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Moving Past Limiting Beliefs

posted by Attractology Saturday, August 30, 2008 0 Comments
Are you an excuses guy? Do you constantly blame uncontrollable factors for not being where you want to be in life? If so, this post is for you.

I know in terms of meeting and attracting women, there a multitude of ways you can take yourself out of the game.

"If only I was taller!"
"If only I was better looking!"
"If only I had blue eyes!"
"If only I was like that guy!"
"If only I was rich!"

Then I'd be able to get women... right?

I know in my own personal life situation, my excuse was "I'm too short to attract and date attractive women." Of course, that belief and many others regarding what women find attractive are not completely without reference. Through media and social conditioning, society subtly paints a picture of what attractive men look like. We guys are supposed to be tall, youthful, muscular yet slender with chiseled facial features and a fat wallet. If you are lacking in any of these departments, you might as well cut your dick off because you aren't getting any right? Ehhh, wrong!

In fact, you don't need any of those things to attract women. There are short, fat, ugly, bald guys who don't have money and are pulling more beautiful women that you could ever dream. I know this for a fact. I've seen it and experienced it over and over again. So why this is this so? Why can some guys who are far less physically attractive get extremely attractive women?

The main difference between these guys and 90% of other guys comes down to one thing: belief system baby!

Every person has a personal belief system that acts as basically an instruction manual for how the world is supposed to work. In your youth, your 'instruction manual' has many holes or blank spaces where your beliefs have not been established and refined. But as you enter adulthood and continue to have life experiences, those holes are filled and you eventually you subconsciously say to yourself "this is how the world works!"

In actuality, every persons belief system or life instruction manual is in part false There's an NLP term that references this by saying:

"The map is not the territory"

By nature, our belief systems are subjective, incomplete and can never fully represent 100% of the real world. Don't believe me, check out the studies conducted by Elizabeth Loftus on the inaccuracy of memories. This alone it will blow your mind! Nonetheless, the world is not black and white and there are multitudes of ways to view a situation or experience.

For instance, we'll go with a common problem among guys: rejection or the fear of rejection. SO let's say that you approach a strikingly beautiful hottie and she immediately laughs at you and tell you to leave. Here are three reactions:

1. "She rejected me, therefore I am ugly and unappealing"
2. "That dumb bitch was probably on her period"
3. "No worries, she was probably having a bad night or I approached her the wrong way. I'll try something different next time"

Can you guess which mental response would be the most productive? Numero 3 of course!!! In reality it makes little difference what was going on in her head. What really matters is what is going in yours. Even if you are ugly, fat, old, whatever, it makes no fucking difference. What makes a difference is what is going on in your HEAD. Your reality is the only reality that matters!

And why is this??? BECAUSE we constantly confirm our own perception of reality. WE see the world through our beliefs, through our instruction manual. WE SEE THE WORLD WE CHOOSE TO SEE and ignore the rest.

And in the world we see, if a phenomena doesn't coincide with our belief system, we either back rationalize it as an exception to the rule so that it fits in our reality or we change the belief. It's either nixed or adopted.

I mentioned earlier that I'm pretty short (5'6) and I used to hold the belief that short guys couldn't get attractive girls. And from all of the personal and second hand experience I had had, I was sure this was true. My buddy was short and he didn't have girlfriends. A girl once told me she didn't date guys shorter than her. And other evidence accumulated that reinforced this idea that shortness equaled unattractive. And when I went out I would notice how tall everyone else was so when I would go out, what do you think I would see?

I would see all the attractive girls with taller, good looking guys. It had to be true, I WAS SEEING IT!!!!! But what was I actually seeing? Through the filter of the world that I was looking through, I could only see things that confirmed my belief system.

But then, I saw the craziest thing happen. I saw a man much older than I, maybe in his mid thirties. He was short (about an inch or two taller than me) husky, had a receding hair line and was wearing only what looked to be a t-shirt and blue jeans. It was enough to assume that from appearances, no decent girl in her right mind would want anything to do with him. But low and behold I watched him casually waltz up to a gorgeous girl maybe a decade younger than him and within ten minutes she was all over him. He couldn't keep her away. At first, my belief system tried to rationalize it: HE MUST be a famous rockstar in disguise or something. He must have jedi like powers that he was born with.

But then after seeing it happen over and over again with different guys who were playing way beyond their league in the appearances department, SOMETHING finally clicked in my head and I realized that the ability to meet, attract and date beautiful women has NOTHING to do with how you look and everything to do with how you think you look, how you think you match up to other people.

It's all perception. It's all belief systems. If you ask any of these so called 'ugly' guys who mysteriously get hot girls who is the best looking, sexiest, female satisfying GUY on the planet, what do you think they'll say?

"I Am."
"Your looking at him"
"ME"

And they will believe it from the depths of their being. In fact, in their minds, they couldn't find a way to rationalize how they wouldn't be the sexiest guys in the room. And their reality will confirm their beliefs. They will get hot girls, not because the world thinks they are sexy but because they think they are.

Had they listened to the world to tell them how they should be and what they deserve, they would NEVER get attractive women. Eventually you realize the world is not going to give you permission, EVER! YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION to be attractive, to accept a reality that will most benefit you!

Until next time,
-Dthomas

PS - If you want to see a real pro with women who doesn't have the looks, check out the some of the material Thundercat has been working on at http://www.looks-dont-matter.com

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DOES SIZE MATTER????

posted by Attractology Wednesday, January 30, 2008 0 Comments
Does Size Matter? - Being right in the middle of the spectrum, I've always been curious. I'm no porn star but I've never had any complaints. Nonetheless, a lot of guys want to know the answer to the all telling question "DOES SIZE MATTER?" So I decided to do some research

AS it turns out, size DOES IN FACT matter. But surprisingly 'bigger' isn't always better. In fact, average might even be too big for one women while "incredibly large" might be just right for another. Dr Pezzi, describes in detail the extent at which penis size is less important than the actually 'fit' in the women. He emphasizes that it takes two to tango and the female parts are just as important as there male counterparts in creating pleasurable sex.

What is even crazier is that there is 10 times more variation in vaginal size than there is in penis. Some can barely fit a pencil while others may be able to take a baseball bat.

IT GETS BETTER!!

Women have way more control over vaginal tightness than men do over penis size. In fact, women have the ability to dramatically increase their tightness on a long term basis using what are called Kegel's exercises. Kegel's exercises increase the depth of the outer tight zone of the vagina via thickening what are called the pubococcygeal muscles.

Thinking of mentioning this to your girlfriend? If so, don't forget to remind her this:
Doing Kegel's exercises benefit the women as well. Because of the increase in tightness and deepness, the penis is better able to stimulate the sensitive outer third of the vagina and the G-spot.

SO GUYS, if a women ever tells you, you are lacking in the endowment area, tell her that the problem is half her fault and that she should probably start doing Kegel's exercises ASAP.

FYI- The average penis size is decreasing. Years ago, the average penis size was 6.5 inches, then after than the average went down to 6.25 inches. Then the average went down to 6 inches. Less than decade ago the average size was 5.72 inches. And TODAY, the average size is 5.25 inches.

My first reaction to this was WHAT THE FUCK????? and HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN??

Well there is a good reason...
As it turns out there are a variety of estrogens (phytoestrogens, xenoestrogens, and exogenous estrogens) that men are now being exposed to. As a result, the penis can shrink or fail to grow as much as it should.

So fellows, try to stay away from any product, food, or drug that has an abundance of these...
Phytoestrogens
Xenoestrogens
Exogenous Estrogens

Cheers.

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