Ok so, I'm going to attempt to type with my left hand (I broke my right wrist snowboarding) so please excuse me if there are any typos or errors...


I'm writing this for two reasons, first is because I had such a great time and I think theres a lot of value in sharing about my experience, and secondly, there were a few things that we did that allowed this trip to be as memorable as it was.

Labels: field report, seduction basics, Whistler

It easy when first getting into this to read everything there is to read.  That’s what I did when I began, it started with Neil Strauss’ The Game and lead to an interest in David DeAngelo, posts on Fast Seduction and now have I accumulated material from most other Guru’s; some of which has been useful information.  (Side note: We’ve been compiling some guru interviews to share but that’s for another post.)

 

See, I approached learning about attraction with a fairly solid belief system intact but also an open mind willing to learn from experience.  I feel both of these were critical for success.  Sometimes what I was reading would challenge my belief system and when this would happen I would have three options.

1. Instantly accept what I was reading over my own belief system
2. Instantly accept my own belief over what I was reading
3. Go out with an educated open mind and learn from the experience

I continue to chose number three.

 

Bluntly put, guys that don’t succeed are either too gullible or too stubborn to go out and challenge their belief system with the experience necessary to progress.  Success will come from the combination of learning AND going out and being social, networking and leading a dynamic life.

 

To improve you must understand that progression will happen by reading but also doing.  Here’s how.  Read enough material to understand and challenge some of your ideas and beliefs without getting overwhelmed.  Go out and practice making note of what gets good results, and  then when you hit a sticking point come back and figure out what you can do to improve next time WITHOUT dwelling on the negative.  Mastery in any subject is a series of plateaus, persistence is essential.

 

That’s it for now, but as we move into 2009 no time is better to set some expectations and real goals.  Here are some goal setting tips I was just reviewing for myself, I find it valuable to set both personal and career related goals.

• Determine what you want to achieve
• Put the goal in writing
• Set a time deadline for the attainment of the goal
• Develop a plan and work the plan
• Visualize a successful result
• Maintain a positive attitude
• Measure your progress and make adjustments, where needed
• Persist until you reach your goal

Cheers.

Labels: attraction, inner game, PUA, seduction basics, sticking points

So I don't have too much time to write right now, so I'll make this short and sweet. I was out a Christmas Party last weekend winging for a friend. As I was coaching him, I noticed a major flaw in his game that I think a lot of people can relate to. He was direct. He was persistent. He was using touch, eye contact and smile and had generated a lot attraction from this girl. But after a while of doing the same sort of Attraction and Spiking Game, the girl started to lose interest. At first, I was puzzled. From an outsiders perspective, it looked as if everything was going gravy up until that point. But then out of the blue, she started making less eye contact, looking towards other conversations more often and losing that giggly fun Emotional state.

But then it hit me, my buddy had sat in attraction for too long without emotionally (and physically) escalating to a state of trust, comfort and rapport. But also, and more importantly, he neglected to make her work to keep his attention and interest. The sexual tension was dying not because he was unattractive but simply because there was no mystery behind his behavior and actions. It was clear he wanted her and she knew it. When a women recognizes that it's 'in the bag' with a guy, she no longer feels the need to work to keep him. And this lack of challenge and predictability can kill attraction and can often make women put a guy on the back burner while she chases the next 'shiny red string' that is just out her reach. Both attractive women and attractive men always want a challenge. It adds suspense and excitement to the courtship process not to mention it displays high value.

So how can you avoid falling into this trap? It's simple really. As soon you do something that you feel she is really responding to, take it away. This is the classic David DeAngelo Two steps forward, One step back idea. You're initiating yet taking away at the same time. This can be done verbally or it can be done through your behavior and body language. You can verbally tease her and tell her she's losing her chances with you, etc which can be effective if done through the right mind set and state. But there is much more powerful and authentic effect when you 'show' mixed signals. Like for instance, holding her hand for a while and when she says something borderline 'uncool' you let go of it for no particular reason. For a time maybe you were sitting there wondering what the hell was going a girls head, now it's time for her to experience the same thing. Other things I might do are too close the gap between our faces so I'm within kissing range creating that jolt of arousal in her. But just as she is thinking something might happen or she is wondering why you are in her bubble, you back off. You can do this over and over again and it really amplifies any sexual tension between you two. I also might pair some sort of kino touch with a tease. In fact, any time you tease a girl, you should at least be aware that it opens a small window to touch a girl. Even if it's just on the shoulder or something.

All of these techniques are examples of you stealing the frame and reversing the roles where she the hunter and you the prey. And when she starts to really pursue you, you can naturally sit back and make her work.

I don't want to sound like I'm supporting mind fucking or something ridiculous or unethical like that. I'm just talking about adding a little excitement to the courtship process, not only for you but for her as well. Just like dangling a string just outside a cats reach, you aren't doing the cat a favor by simply dropping it at her paws. She wants to chase it. She wants you to make her work for it.

And that's all I've got today! Happy holidays!
-Dthomas (Briddick Webb)

Labels: seduction basics, sexual tension, technique

I’m fascinated with marketing and I feel lucky to be doing something I really enjoy. Lately I’ve been watching Eben Pagan’s (David DeAngelo) Get Altitude program for entrepreneurs.

I personally find a lot of parallels between the sales / marketing world and the attraction / seduction world.

As I watched one of the videos today something dawned on me. Eban brings up a study by a university that examined the factors of success by looking at the commonalities of top sales people. You can watch the video yourself but I’ll spoil it anyways. The number one commonality between all these successful salespeople was their speed of implementation. Speed of implementation is the time is takes between hearing about an idea to acting on an idea. They found
that the most successful businesses and salespeople were regularly putting ideas into action immediately. Their speed of implementation was faster.

This mindset of implementing ideas faster in my own life feels somewhat counter-intuitive. The voice in my head says “lets think about this”, “lets weigh out pros and cons, make a list of benefits and side effects”, “let me run this idea past 2 or 3 of my friends to see what they say”. And then usually through deliberation and backwards rationalization the idea fizzles and never gets implemented.

What does this mean for creating attraction and meeting beautiful women?

A mindset focused on speed of implementation shoves a lot of the logic to the side - You know, the times when you are in your head and rationalizing with yourself that she probably has a boyfriend and you shouldn’t talk to her (or any other excuse). This is your mind coming up with a reason for not approaching or doing something that you know you really should be doing.

The mindset of implementing ideas faster is useful to overcome approach anxiety and encourage spontaneous behavior. Being spontaneous keeps life fresh and will have a lot of positive side effects. A good motto I like to say is “plan big and adapt”. The next time you are presented with an opportunity or an idea that can take you to the next level – even if it’s a little out of your comfort zone – take action!

Labels: attraction, confidence, David DeAngelo, outer game, seduction, seduction basics, sticking points

I mentioned briefly in a previous post about the idea that bringing out the potential in others inevitably brings out the potential in yourself.  I truly believe this.  Not only is karma working on your side but there are instant positive side effects.  On a psychological level when you're focusing on the success of others you let go of all the inner dialog that monitors your behavior, hindering your ability to make instinct level decisions.

Side note - Your instincts know what women want.  It's the cognitive 'thinking' and conditioning part that messes you up.

When your energy and focus is helping someone else, it is easy to slip into a state of complete indifference to your own personal outcome, allowing you to focus on the outcomes of others.  This is why so many 'bootcamp' instructors pull when they are out leading a bootcamp.  Why?  Because pulling is never their primary goal, getting you to pull is.  Counterintuitive, isn't it?

So when they demo, they are doing so merely for that reason, to demo. They never think beyond the demo. They aren't wondering if the girl they are talking to is going to go home with them.  They may be thinking in the back their heads that if she doesn't, it's her loss, but for the most part they are concerned about showing their students what 'game' looks like.

And it's the outcome indifference that works in their (or your) favor. 

Let's not forget the wonderful joy of bringing someone up.  Seeing transformation, emergence or a even a simple mood lift is an amazing thing.    It resonates with the core of what it means to be human.  At least in my opinion.

Now don't get me wrong there are some people out there who are just too wrapped up in their victim identities to accept or want any help from you.  But the other 99% of people are glad to encounter someone who is not coming from a place of self gain!

 So what do you do?

I personally believe that altruism and abundance are intrinsically linked.  When you have one, the other will follow...

Give value to people whenever you get the chance.  
Give them the opportunity to shine. 
Allow for their potential self to emerge. 

Now, I'm not suggesting you go out and become a public servant who runs around giving half his paychecks to the homeless and volunteers at the animal shelter on weekends (though that would be cool).  I'm suggesting that when you get the opportunity to make someone else's life just a little bit better, DO IT.

It could be a smile, a warm greeting, a genuine compliment, a cup of coffee or something as simple as listening without judging. There is value to be given everywhere.

Live well,
- DThomas

Labels: attraction, seduction, seduction basics, Self realization

I've been an active member in the community for over two years now. I've had my ups. I've had my downs. I've altered my course at certain points and I've done and seen things I could have never fathomed. But most of all, I am absolutely 100% grateful to be apart of something so wonderful and progressive.

And so I've sort of compiled a few of my most life changing, game altering realizations that I've had over the last couple of years.


1. Game is much more than just meeting, dating and attracting women. It is way of living your life. It is the by product of having all of your other needs met. When everything else in your life is good, the problem with women will handle itself.

2. Sex is over rated and doesn't last nearly as long as the interactions and experiences in between. Unfortunately, we only recognize this during the sex itself.

3. Attraction is an emotional process and 'studying' game is a logical process. Know the difference and recognize that more studying does not necessarily equate to more success with women.

4. Having multiple relationships at any one given time is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. Having one girlfriend can be time consuming and emotionally taxing, just think what it is like to have three or four, ….seven? Props to Hugh Hefner. You're a better man than I.

5. Never form an identity that requires the participation of other people. Calling yourself a pick up artist, player, or 'expert' on women forces you to constantly reaffirm that identity through others. If you don’t get that validation, the identity crumbles. Avoid doing this at all costs

6. As hard as it is for me to accept, occasionally some women will not find you attractive. It's not their fault. It's not your fault. Forgive them. Get over it. And move onto to the next one.

7. The most attractive guys are ones who give value to everyone who comes into their life. Giving is the antecedent to receiving. And when you bring out the potential in others, you bring out the potential in yourself.

8. What you feel on the inside will generally manifest itself on the outside. Your language always points back to your self concept. In essence, a women will respond to you based on how you feel about yourself.

9. Life is nothing more than series of fleeting moments. Knowing this, you should realize that the only moment that matters is the one you are experiencing now. This is not only the essence to game, it is the essence of life.

10. Live life doing the things you enjoy. There is no sense in adjusting or catering your life around meeting women if you aren't getting to do what you love. Besides, you're more likely to find like minded people in the places you want to be.

11. Analysis and reflection are a necessity to understanding 'game' but hindering when actually gaming. Know when you're in your head and find a way to get out of it when interacting with women. This alone can skyrocket your game.

12. Physical contact is quite possibly the most effective behavioral tool in creating attraction. It reflects you are comfortable in your own skin. It causes an emotional response. It creates trust and comfort. Touch women as much as possible. In a non creepy, non threatening way of course.

13. There is no such thing as perfection. Putting a women on a pedestal is unnecessary and pointless. Once you've been with a women of great beauty you realize that they are imperfect people like the rest of us.

14. Don't look to others to find out who you are. It can be addicting to see how people respond to you and make a self judgment based on those responses. People are not mirrors and responses involve a great of deal of factors that have nothing to do with you.

15. Your own opinions should always come first to the opinions of others. Don't be afraid to be an individual and stand up for what you believe in.

16. Smile and laugh as much as possible. The most attractive guy is always the one having the most fun. Ideally, that fun is never dependent on how other people are behaving or responding to him.

Until next time
-Dt

Labels: attraction, seduction basics, Self realization

Fellas; quick note to let you know we've posted two more of our Interviews with Dating Guru's as part of our Attractology Interview Series. Take some time to get to know the experts.

• Sinn Interview - SinnsofAttraction.com
• Brad P. Interview - BradPpresents.com
• Carlos Xuma Interview - DatingDynamics.com

Labels: Attractology Interview, Dating Dynamics, seduction, seduction basics, sticking points

I have a problem. The more and more I dig deeper into understanding relationships and social interactions, the more advanced and complex I seem to describe this stuff.

The other day when I was talking to a couple guys asking for help meeting women (I hate the word AFC). I began to educate them on some ways they could dramatically improve their life but I was speaking to them in a way that only an advanced - or obsessed seduction PUA - guy would understand. And they gave me this strange look like I was speaking in tongues or something.

In reality, I was talking about sub-communication and the concept of giving value when it came to getting attraction from women. But when I got those blank stares it made it abundantly clear that I was talking to these guys as if they had had 2 years of studying and application under their belt when in actuality they had absolutely ZERO knowledge in this area.

So as a favor to myself and my readers, I would like to return to the basics. Return to the roots. Return to a very basic principle that nearly everyone can relate to and that is...

The difference between attraction and affection.
The foundations of building attraction.

Before I go into all the ins and outs of attraction it's first be wise to mention a very common mistake guys make when dealing with women and this is confusing affection for attraction. The best way I can illustrate this difference is by telling a personal story (short version).

• A long long time ago, there was this girl whom I had a crush on. She was cute. She was unique. She was really smart. She was a catch! And so I started talking to her one day at school. As it turned out we had everything in common. we both liked outdoor activities. We both liked the same tv shows and so on. And so we started hanging out. We would go out and do things. We would talk every night on the phone. I always made a point to be extra polite and cordial so I'd do things for her like let her cheat off my homework and pick her up from Basketball practice. All the things that make a girl want you as a boyfriend, right? Wrong. The third week of us hanging out and spending all this time together, I finally got enough courage to show her how I felt and figured the best approach would be for me was kiss her. And so I planned the moment down to a tie. I had her over to watch a movie. Wrapped us in a blanket. The conditions were perfect. And then the moment happened. I went in for the kiss. Can you guess what happened? Without even giving a cheek she backed her face away in disgust and said "look, I think it's best if we were just friends!"

At the time, I didn't understand what had happened.
Was I ugly? Was I too short? Did I not have a good personality?
In actuality, it had nothing to do with any of these things. I had simply chosen(unintentionally) not to communicate on an attractive channel and ended up misinterpreting affection for attraction for romantic interest.

When she was talking to me on the phone and getting to know me, we were communicating to each other like we were friends. And I simply assumed that her interest in being my friend was a signal that she had feelings for me. In reality, she communicated to me like a friend, and liked me...but that liking came from a place of affection and not attraction. Basically, I treated her like I was one of her girlfriends and as a result, she treated me (and felt for me) in the same way as she did her girlfriends.

And this happens all the time with guys.
You 'd think that we would have 'gotten' it by now.
But most guys haven't.

Why is this so?? My belief (and I adopted this belief from David DeAngelo) is that most guys at a very young age are taught the true meaning of chivalry from their parents. They are taught to open doors for women. They are taught to be respectful. They are taught to treat women like queens. Essentially, parents are teaching their children how to be affectionate. They are teaching us how to be a good husband, etc. Now, all these teachings are great but they ultimately are the STEP 2 in courtship and neglect to address the foundation in which attraction is developed.

RELEARNING STEP 1: The Foundations of Attraction
According to numerous studies attraction happens within 90 seconds and 4 minutes of being in contact with another person. During that time frame they have found over 2000 mini indicators (most within a broader set of behavior clusters) that dictate whether attraction has occurred or not. So of course, the next question to pose is

What is taking place in those 240 seconds that dictates whether she will want you as a lover, wants you as a friend or simply wants you to take a hike?

When thinking about getting attraction from a women and sparking chemistry, you really should be thinking about EMOTIONAL MOVEMENT. IN essence, you want to move her baseline emotional state in a positive direction. This doesn't mean that all girls are depressed or bored until an attractive guy comes around, it simply means that when she is around a guy that she is attracted to, it induces a positive feeling. And it can easily be observed.

If you watch a girl around a guy she is becoming attracted to those feelings are always expressed externally in some way. Either she starts smiling more when he is speaking, she laughs at his jokes, She is inquiring more about who he is all and what he is all about. She is making strong eye contact with him. she may even start touching him in a playful way. And there are ton more of these external attraction indicators that basically display this EMOTIONAL MOVEMENT.

The nice thing about seeing all of these external clues or indicators is that you have everything you need to reverse engineer a strategy to get a women attracted to you

So for starters, it can be useful to first take a moment to ask yourself these questions
How can I emotionally move a women in a positive way?

SUB QUESTIONS
1. How do I get a women to smile and laugh?
2. How do I get a women to maintain strong eye contact with me?
3. How do I get a women to start touching me?
4. How do I get women to want to know more about me?

How do I get a women to Smile and laugh?
One great way to get a women to smile and laugh is to combine cocky statements with funny statements. This combination coined by well known Dating Guru David DeAngelo, has been proven for years to generate a positive response from women. Of course it has to be done right.

The key to cocky-funny is being cocky and funny at the same time. If you are cocky without being funny, you will come off as an arrogant jerk. If you are funny without being cocky, you will look like a clown. But when you put the two together, you have all the ingredients to move her emotionally and generate some attraction. An example of a cocky-funny line may sound something like this

You: Tonight is your lucky night
Her: Oh really? Why is that?
You: Because you finally got to go out with me
Her: Sure!
You: But no touching... I do all the touching!

Another key is keep a straight face the whole time, never letting her know whether you actually being serious or not.

You can also be be funny by adding a little sarcasm into your dialog

Example:
her: Hey can I try a sip of that drink
you: absolutely not (with a straight face)
then wait a moment, crack a little smile and give her a sip)

If you treat the girl like your little niece who you are constantly messing with (playfully of course) it will generally cause some positive emotional movement and get her laughing and smiling

How do I get a women to have strong eye contact with me?
This is easy. If you make a point to always look her in the eyes when speaking to her, more often than not she will return the favor. If for some reason she is hesitant to make eye contact there are a few fun harmless games you do that make it happen such as Soul Gazing. Eye contact is great because it can be done with minimal effort and still have an incredibly powerful effect.

In fact, there was study conducted that looked at the relationship between eye contact and attraction where men and women were randomly paired and simply told to have a conversation. Prior to the actual experiment, 50% of the guys (experimental group) were told to count how many times the women blinked during the interaction and the other 50% were just told to have a conversation (control group). In the POST experiment questioning, the women were asked to report how readily they would have gone on a date with the person they were paired up with. Surprisingly, they found the blink counters or guys who were maintaining eye contact the whole time were 2-3 times more likely to get a date than those who were just asked to have a conversation.


How do I get women to start touching me?
Like eye contact, physical touch is almost always reciprocated. If you hug someone, they more of then not, they hug you back. If you put your arm around someone, they will generally throw an arm around you as well. It's actually much more natural to reciprocate touch than to awkwardly just stand there. Knowing this, you should always push the boundaries. Most people have no idea how far they can push physical boundaries in the first few minutes of meeting a women. As long you don't linger too long and aren't being creepy, the possibilities are endless when it comes to touching a women. Here is a short video that I really found useful on touching a women




How do I get women to want to know more about you?
The best way to capture a womens attention and imagination is to tell stories. Good short stories that are relevant and display you are a fun, cool person are excellent for emotionally moving women. The key to a good story is all in the delivery. The more animated and emotionally charged you are while telling it, the better. It can be useful to take frequent pauses to build suspense, use words very emotionally descriptive language that 'shows' her how it felt rather than tells her it felt. One trick that always seems to make women want to know more about you is to- leave holes in your stories. By leaving gaps, you are leaving an incomplete picture and she will always want to know "what happened with X?" or something along those lines.

Do this, and you will have her intrigued and captivated by your presence.

So there you have 4 different ways to emotionally move women in a positive way; aka create attraction. There are many more ways to create attraction but hopefully this will provide a foundation that can be built upon and developed.

Labels: affection, attraction, create attraction, kino, seduction basics

Being congruent with yourself and avoiding the dark side of seduction and game.

When you begin to submerge yourself into the study of meeting and attracting women, there is almost an internal push for you to understand and analyze every interaction between yourself and other women and between yourself and other guys. Get too deep into this and your your life can become a game of psychological chess where you constantly interpret motive behind ever word and gesture and respond accordingly with the underlying intent of "getting the girl(s)" you want. When this happens you are no longer living in the moment, there is a lack of listening, and you will reek of manipulation and intent. I have been there and it's not attractive.

In thinking about this, I'm reminded of Iago from Shakespeare's tragedy Othello who played others like puppets for his own greed. Finally it caught up with him and ended in his demise. It made me think about intent and relationships.

Looking back a long time ago I can recall times where my behavior was so calculated that I'm not sure I said an improvised thing all night; conversations were routines and laughs were calculated. It was all an act with a selfish intent to get the girl. Anyone in my way was an obstacle or a pawn that needed to be used or circumvented. I was treating other people as chess pieces and deep down I hated myself for it. It wasn't natural. It wasn't enjoyable. It wasn't me.

Thankfully, it didn't take long for me to realize that if I was going to continue to study attraction, meeting, and dating women I had to do it in a way that resonated with who I am as a person. When this happened I found that my intent had shifted from needing to attract women to loving myself and being able to give value to other people. I became congruent with myself and by doing this I have had ten times the amount of success with women as when my main goal was to "get the ladies!".

Labels: attraction, confidence, create attraction, seduction, seduction basics

I believe in the concept of unconditional value giving. And when I refer to value, I am referring to anything that can better someone's life in some way. It can be food. It can be compliments. Value is everywhere and nearly everyone is seeking ways to bring more value into their lives.

What is crazy is that when you make someone else's life just a little bit better without expecting anything in return, there is an internal reward greater than anything you could ever give. You could say the ability to GIVE resonates with spirit. Why do you think so many so-called dating gurus teach their secrets to others? Giving feels good! And watching other people succeed or make progress because of you brings that reward. Value breeds more value.

BUT...

I've been noticing that I was never an effective value giver when I wasn't feeling good about who I was. More specifically when I thought I NEEDED MORE. When I needed to appear smart. When I needed others to see I was a ladies man. When I needed to prove I was a cool guy. When I needed!!! If you looked at this on a deeper level you will find a simple self belief. A belief that everyone’s had at one point in their lives…

---I'm not good enough the way I am---

---I'm not good enough the way I am, therefore I must look to others to get 'good enough.' To get satisfaction. To get fulfillment---

And despite never knowing what ENOUGH actually is, a person lacking can only NEED more. When a person NEEDing value is trying to give value, that 'giving' will come from a place where you expect something in return. It's a transaction not a charity. And that internal reward, that self satisfaction, that good feeling is diluted by your own lack of self worth.

This is why Inner Game is so important. You have to have that mind-body harmony where you are at peace with yourself and your relationship with the rest of the world. This is the real Inner Game!! It's having the beliefs, ethics, and expectations set. It's about better understanding your spirituality and purpose. It's about aligning with your purpose-whatever that may be. And it's the never ending process of becoming a better person. Until you get on this path, you will never be at your full potential as an attractive person.

Labels: seduction basics, value

Heres some food for thought-

One of the things I've noticed lately is that even some naturally charismatic, good looking, 'player' guys still get the initial 'bitch shield' from women. I've noticed this especially to be the case if they are new to the bar and club scene. I think these guys forget that the clubs and bars are a completely different animal than the 'social circle' fratboy game they were used to before.

But there is a big difference in how guys like these handle the bitch shield compared to the 'average' guy. Average guys are generally trying to meet women to have a good time but with Attractive guys it is completely different. Attractive guys are already having a good time and their emotional state is never dependent on other people.

Therefore, when an average guy gets the bitch shield it shifts his emotional state (good to bad), making him angry, to which he responds by calling her some name and then walking off. However, when the attractive guy gets the bitch shield, he is emotionally unaffected and doesn't allow the women to get it his head. Strangely enough, it is that emotional stability and confidence that separates this guy from the other guys and often makes her attracted to him.

I've had a women say to me 'You are fucking ugly, I shouldn't even be talking to you.' Most guys here would have shattered and walked off with their tails between their legs. But I did not. Instead, I playfully and confidently responded "come on now, can you really resist this smile (dorkiest smile I could do)?" And from then on, it was on between us. The girl that told me I was ugly ended up being a sweet , great girl who eventually did become attracted to me.

And the better you get at this attraction game, the more you come to realize that there really aren't too many bitches but rather a lot women who 'act' bitchy to get what they want or to get you to do something. Just like how a small child throws a temper tantrum and instantly gets what he wants, beautiful women operate on the same principle: doing what works. And they will do what works until they realize that it won't work on you.

Hold your ground. Have boundaries when it comes to behavior from women and people in general. Don't get mad if a women you just met is a bitch to you. It lets her know that she has power over you and that you are weak. If you can't stand up to her, how would you ever be able to protect her if she was dating you? Trust me, women are always testing you and one the ways they test you is by being a bitch. This is just something to think about.

Labels: approaching, inner game, seduction basics

Lets Just Be Friends.

A relationship stuck in friend zone is based on having comfort and trust with a woman, but lacking any 'chemistry' or attraction. Some call this a platonic relationship and for some guys, it's a reoccurring nightmare. It usually goes like this: You meet a girl and you two talk. You find out you have a lot in common and you really feel like you can trust her and talk to her about anything. You find her physically attractive and become attracted to her. This goes on for some time, you wait to have a physical connection. Finally you try to take it to the next level and she says "lets just be friends".

In this situation, the development of emotional compatibility and trust happened first but she never developed attraction, similar to the relationships she has with her girlfriends and relatives. Building and creating comfort with a woman is great, but you must also be building attraction.

I can remember talking and hanging out with this girl. She was beautiful, we had a ton in common and we would hang out all the time. I liked her a lot. And so finally I brought up "being more than just friends" to her. I instantly got the reply "I think we should just be friends." I can honestly say it was heartbreaking, humbling, and an out right blow to my ego. But thankfully, I finally realized what was happening.

I never took the time to build any attraction. I never gave her those feelings of "chemistry." She saw me as she did any of her girl friends. And when I finally sprung it on her, she realized that more than friends meant a change in the relationship. A change that disagreed with her feelings. As a result, she rejected me by giving me the "let's just be friends" spew.

It is an uphill battle to reverse her feelings for you. Let's avoid getting there in the first place. If you often get stuck in friends zone, we've got lots of great articles on how to create attraction first and get her craving you.

Some Helpful Articles:
Cat String Theory
Why Nice Guys Finish Last
Sexual Tension & Mixed Signals

Labels: attraction, create attraction, friends zone, seduction basics

So lately I have been noticing how many ridiculous Pick Up acronyms are popping up in the attraction community. Don't get me wrong I'm no saint by any stretch of the imagination. Even our site has an extensive glossary with many of these acronyms. But the more I think about it, the sillier it seems.

Just recently I caught myself speaking in this geek code (GC) to someone who knew nothing about pick up (NOOB). They asked me why the hell I used so many abbreviated terms. This was a really good point and I didn't have a good answer. In thinking about it, there is nothing wrong with simplifying language and making it easier for students. But in the same sense, I can't help but think that many of these pick up artist gurus or wanna be gurus are patenting SPUAAS in hopes to make their mark on the overall community and also to sound 'smart.'

Let's get real. There are a million ways to say the same fucking thing. And putting some snappy new title behind a basic human behavior may make it sound more like a legitimate science but really it is completely unnecessary. Just because I observe something doesn't mean I have the right to MAFA (make a fucking acronym). And if I do MAFA, it had better be a common, legitimate pattern or contingency that happens in this game. There is no need for an abbreviation of 3 or 4 Non-Important Words (NIW). Ok, this was kind of a rant but it gives you something to think about.

Note: the acronyms used in this post are fictional and were used to make a point. At no time, should they ever be used again unless it's to mock the usage of acronyms.

Labels: community, PUA, seduction basics, terms

Labels: accomplishment intro, approaching, attraction, seduction basics

Labels: approach anxiety, approaching, seduction, seduction basics, sticking points

A friend of mine, an attractive woman who I've known for some time, and I recently went to a business party. I invited her because she is good company and socially intelligent so she wouldn't need to be with me constantly. The people there we're great and I introduced her to several friends of mine. We both had a good time.

Afterward, talking about the party, I asked her:
"Who stood out in your mind, what conversation did you enjoy the most?"
She quickly responded "I had a great conversation with Kirk Highland"
"What does he do?" I asked.
"Well, I don't know" she answered.
"Where is he from?"
"Hm, I don't know"
"What is he interested in?"
"We didn't talk about his interests"
"What did you talk about?" I finally asked.
"Well, we talked about me"

Women enjoy talking about themselves. When she is telling you about herself, she is investing her time in you. Conversation savvy people know to invest time in listening skills. A great conversation is the vehicle for attraction building routines and establishing a connection.

Labels: inner game, listening skills, outer game, seduction basics

So I stumbled upon these questions while surfing the net. They make great questions to get to know a women. Too often, a guy will ask so many boring, yes/no questions that doesn't allow her to really reveal who she is. For example, don't ask "where do you work?" but instead ask "what was the craziest thing that happened to you at work?" By getting her to let you into her world, she 1) qualifying herself to you and 2) investing a part of herself in the interaction.


What was your most crazy, memorable dream? What about nightmare?
What was your favorite TV show as a child?
If you could travel back in time, where would you go and what year would it be?
What do you remember about your first day of school?
If you could be married anywhere in the world, where would the wedding take place?
If you could be invisible for one hour, where would you go and what would you do?
Which month of the year do you think would best describe your personality?
Where is the strangest place you’ve ever slept?
What's the habit you're proudest of breaking?
What's the longest you've gone without sleep?
would you rather catch your parents having sex or have them catch you having sex?
If the doctor told you, you had a week to live but you have unlimited money to spend, what would you do?
A genie grants you one wish, what would it be?
what do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?
what were like in middle school?

Cheers friends, I hope you enjoy these questions.
Dthomas

Labels: attraction, outer game, seduction basics

I've been studying attraction for a few years know. It may seem minuscule to many other experts or practitioners, but I must argue that I have spent a vast majority of my last three years developing and understanding this game to the point of obsession. I encourage anyone who does not know exactly what this seduction game is all about, to take a few minutes to educate yourself: What is this attraction game all about?

Labels: attraction, seduction, seduction basics

What's happening everyone. I want to just go over a specific instance that I encountered last night from a girl who was skeptical about the game. Here it is.

I was confronted by a girl last night .. a cute girl. As it turned out she was the new girlfriend of my good friend we'll call Jay who I hadn't seen in a few weeks. She seemed sweet and there was an interesting almost silent chemistry between the two. Note:This guy is a 22 year old virgin that is amazingly fit and good looking. But he has always been socially distant and has a difficult time relating to people. Nonetheless it was refreshing to see a friend who hasn't had much luck with women finally meet, attract and date a very cool one.

Anyway so we are out at the bar just chatting up a few people we had met basically shooting the shit. Wasn't in full swing sarge mode because..well..it wasn't necessary. i had a blond (previous hook up) buying me drinks who was working another guy at the same time. Been there. done that. And I was enjoying the company of my friends. Out of the blue, Jay's girlfriend brings up Attractology in a passive aggressive subtle way. Apparently Jay (who is(was up till now)virgin, AFC) told her about his disdain for the game and learning how to attract using theory and models and what not. She, like him, have never really explored what the game is, they just both "hate it" regardless because it sounds unnatural and manipulative.

And so she started firing questions basically grounded in "why are you trying to mess with fate?" She asked about routines, theories, our credentials and came back a point of "well, Jay didn't have to do any of that." Ohh god, here we go again. For some reason, so many girls like to believe they are above the systems of human nature. They believe that for some reason, the exact way their particular situation worked out was based on a uniqueness that no others have even come close to attaining. The cosmos were simply aligned at just the right time.

As much as I want this to be true( and ohh god, I wish it was)I simply know that it is not. And as beautiful, unique and amazing a lot of past relationships have been, I still realize that there are evolutionary and biological undercurrents that permeate every part of them. Don't peg me wrong here. I'm not a robot. I'm empathetic. I love. I fall in love (too often probably). And I am more sensitive than I let people see. But it doesn't mean that I can deny evolution and science. Just like the game. We can choose to know about it or choose not to. But we have to accept it's existence. It is real. It does work. So that means you can either wait in patient frustration and be lonely or you can learn the game and attract women. I don't want to speak for everybody. But for me, luck is only preparation meeting opportunity. I can't wait for something that might happen or might not. I make things happen.

And so it went with our heavy, deep, psychological conversation on attraction. I didn't feel obligated the least bit to succumb to her demands for information. I answered them by choice. I find it intriguing and rewarding to enlighten people. And so I answered her adequately, and like every other single girl and guy who takes the time to learn what we're really teaching and researching. Her skeptical presumptions began to dissipate as her understanding increased. She learned that we aren't just out to "hook up" with girls. She learned we are good, fun loving people with noble intentions.

And she learned that we know more about the game of attraction then she had ever considered. By the end of our 20 minute conversation, her shield had been lowered. What's funny is that I've had these conversations before and they all end this way. Yet again and again some women find it so hard to accept that there was anything but fate involved in them being with their partner. I used to have this naivety and at times I wish I still did. But knowing the reasons "why" certain patterns emerge in attraction, flirting and dating, it's hard to look away.

Rather than accept that some guys get girls and others guys don't, I know, have seen, and experienced different. I know the game works and I know why it works. And it has enriched my life greatly.


---Happy holidays everyone. Don't eat too much. Did you know that the average American gains 7-10 pounds from the time Thanksgiving starts until new years? Crazy. So if your like me and enjoy these holidays as much as I do, work out so you can keep the pounds off. Cheers!
-Dthomas

Labels: attraction, field report, seduction basics

I've been thinking a lot lately about the term "Seduction" and the feeling it evokes from people, especially women. It's no wonder; define Seduction on google and you get [enticing someone astray from right behavior] and [may refer to an act that the other may later regret and/or would normally not want to do]. That's a horrible association.

People who understand this community, however, would give the word Seduction a completely different definition, one of creating a real attraction between a man and woman, for real reasons. A pick up artist never tricks anyone.

That said, the choice for people of this community is to adopt a different word for Seduction [i.e. art of attraction] or to make it a point of ours to redefine the word for everyone. I choose the latter.

Prof

Labels: seduction, seduction basics

What's up everybody,
Dthomas here
Due to my random ADD infused mind, I have no idea where this blog will go. REaders beware this may blow your fucking mind into a whole new dimension of understanding. Welcome to my world, a shire of possibility and..well ..............females. Going out is becoming strange lately. I can't help but feel there are always eyes on me, watching to see which girls I approach, who I am talking to. It's fucking ridiculous. I'm not even famous and yet I hate the mini fame. This game doesn't require fame and quite frankly I don't need it nor do I want it. My status is internal and independent. The second I start feeling my self worth being tied to the caliber of girl I'm talking to, or the people I'm surrounded by, I have to take a step back and breathe. I didn't get in this game to impress. I got in this to meet amazing women and people for that matter. And I have. There is such an emphasis on sex by so many pick up artists. But let me share something with you and this is getting down to the nitty gritty. When you get and have sex often, you realize it is often short lived and never quite as good as fantasize it to be. But wait, I'm supposed to be promoting a seduction site where it's getting laid, getting ass, getting it fast...yay yay yay. Well sorry to disappoint you ladies and gents. This Pick up artist IS NOT just in it for the sex. Sex is a mere bonus for me. I get it when i want it and that is great. But really for me, this game is about making connections with women. I am equally satisfied with an amazing, emotionally charged conversation with a girl as I am having sex with her. And yes yes, I must add, and I'm sure you already know, when you have that deep, amazing connection with someone it makes the sex sooooo much better. But really now, sex is not the end all and be all of life and why so many gurus boast their numbers is fucking stupid and pointless. A number is merely a way of saying " how cool am I?" My numbers are up there, maybe not as high as some of the greats, but I never tell people how many girls I've slept with nor do I ask students and friends how many they have been with. It validates the fact that sex to a lot of people is not for mere "pleasure" but for gaining status among peers. Do you see Collin Farrell, Tommy Lee, or Jack Nicholson boasting about their numbers? NO! They don't have to because they don't need to be validated. That is the kind of status I strive to have minus the celebdom. And no, I'm not there yet. Like every single person in this game, I feel I must "prove" myself at times. I'm not perfect and I would by lying if I said that I never made any mistakes in the field....even now. NO, just like you friends, I strive to better myself yet embrace myself at the same time. I walk a thin line. But this is where it has to end right now.. But you my friends have had your first glimpse at Dthomas. A pick-up artist. A psychologist. And a friend. Stay tuned for more bloggage. cheers
-Dthomas

Labels: seduction basics