Are you an excuses guy? Do you constantly blame uncontrollable factors for not being where you want to be in life?
If so, this post is for you. I know in terms of meeting and attracting women, there a multitude of ways you can take yourself out of the game.
"If only I was
taller!"
"If only I was
better looking!"
"If only I had
blue eyes!"
"If only I was
like that guy!"
"If only I was
rich!"
Then I'd be able to get women... right?
I know in my own personal life situation, my excuse was "I'm too short to attract and date attractive women." Of course, that belief and many others regarding what women find attractive are not completely without reference. Through media and social conditioning, society subtly paints a picture of what attractive men look like. We guys are supposed to be tall, youthful, muscular yet slender with chiseled facial features and a fat wallet. If you are lacking in any of these departments, you might as well cut your dick off because you aren't getting any right? Ehhh, wrong!
In fact, you don't need any of those things to attract women. There are short, fat, ugly, bald guys who don't have money and are pulling more beautiful women that you could ever dream. I know this for a fact. I've seen it and experienced it over and over again. So why this is this so? Why can some guys who are far less physically attractive get extremely attractive women?
The main difference between these guys and 90% of other guys comes down to one thing: belief system baby!
Every person has a personal belief system that acts as basically an instruction manual for how the world is supposed to work. In your youth, your 'instruction manual' has many holes or blank spaces where your beliefs have not been established and refined. But as you enter adulthood and continue to have life experiences, those holes are filled and you eventually you subconsciously say to yourself "this is how the world works!"In actuality, every persons belief system or life instruction manual is in part false There's an NLP term that references this by saying:
"The map is not the territory"
By nature, our belief systems are subjective, incomplete and can never fully represent 100% of the real world. Don't believe me, check out the studies conducted by Elizabeth Loftus on the inaccuracy of memories. This alone it will blow your mind! Nonetheless, the world is not black and white and there are multitudes of ways to view a situation or experience.
For instance, we'll go with a common problem among guys: rejection or the fear of rejection. SO let's say that you approach a strikingly beautiful hottie and she immediately laughs at you and tell you to leave. Here are three reactions:
1. "She rejected me, therefore I am ugly and unappealing"
2. "That dumb bitch was probably on her period"
3. "No worries, she was probably having a bad night or I approached her the wrong way. I'll try something different next time"
Can you guess which mental response would be the most productive? Numero 3 of course!!! In reality it makes little difference what was going on in her head. What really matters is what is going in yours. Even if you are ugly, fat, old, whatever, it makes no fucking difference. What makes a difference is what is going on in your HEAD. Your reality is the only reality that matters!
And why is this??? BECAUSE we constantly confirm our own perception of reality. WE see the world through our beliefs, through our instruction manual. WE SEE THE WORLD WE CHOOSE TO SEE and ignore the rest.
And in the world we see, if a phenomena doesn't coincide with our belief system, we either back rationalize it as an exception to the rule so that it fits in our reality or we change the belief. It's either nixed or adopted.
I mentioned earlier that I'm pretty short (5'6) and I used to hold the belief that short guys couldn't get attractive girls. And from all of the personal and second hand experience I had had, I was sure this was true. My buddy was short and he didn't have girlfriends. A girl once told me she didn't date guys shorter than her. And other evidence accumulated that reinforced this idea that shortness equaled unattractive. And when I went out I would notice how tall everyone else was so when I would go out, what do you think I would see?
I would see all the attractive girls with taller, good looking guys. It had to be true, I WAS SEEING IT!!!!! But what was I actually seeing? Through the filter of the world that I was looking through, I could only see things that confirmed my belief system.
But then, I saw the craziest thing happen. I saw a man much older than I, maybe in his mid thirties. He was short (about an inch or two taller than me) husky, had a receding hair line and was wearing only what looked to be a t-shirt and blue jeans. It was enough to assume that from appearances, no decent girl in her right mind would want anything to do with him. But low and behold I watched him casually waltz up to a gorgeous girl maybe a decade younger than him and within ten minutes she was all over him. He couldn't keep her away. At first, my belief system tried to rationalize it: HE MUST be a famous rockstar in disguise or something. He must have jedi like powers that he was born with.
But then after seeing it happen over and over again with different guys who were playing way beyond their league in the appearances department, SOMETHING finally clicked in my head and I realized that the ability to meet, attract and date beautiful women has NOTHING to do with how you look and everything to do with how you think you look, how you think you match up to other people.
It's all perception. It's all belief systems. If you ask any of these so called 'ugly' guys who mysteriously get hot girls who is the best looking, sexiest, female satisfying GUY on the planet, what do you think they'll say?
"I Am."
"Your looking at him"
"ME"
And they will believe it from the depths of their being. In fact, in their minds, they couldn't find a way to rationalize how they wouldn't be the sexiest guys in the room. And their reality will confirm their beliefs. They will get hot girls, not because the world thinks they are sexy but because they think they are.
Had they listened to the world to tell them how they should be and what they deserve, they would NEVER get attractive women. Eventually you realize the world is not going to give you permission, EVER! YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION to be attractive, to accept a reality that will most benefit you!
Until next time,
-Dthomas
PS - If you want to see a real pro with women who doesn't have the looks, check out the some of the material Thundercat has been working on at http://www.looks-dont-matter.com
Labels: beliefs, inner game, psychology, seduction, Self realization, sticking points
